Thursday, August 28, 2008

Separation Anxiety

Ibby does not like to go to school at all.
Friday: clinging to me at the bus stop, but still hadn't ridden the bus, so wiped away tears and got on with Lucy's arm around her; bus driver giving me a look of panic; I cry on the way home.
Monday: crying on the way to the bus stop, refuses to get on bus; Matthew drives them to school and leaves her whimpering with the teacher, after making another boy cry as he realizes that he is sad as well .
Tuesday: Matthew drives them to school and takes baby (because I was SO sick, but that is another story) so uses that as an excuse to not walk in with her.
Wednesday: Lucy forgets she has homework so no bus again; I drive them to school and make her get out of the car and walk in; she is crying, I get dirty looks from teachers; Lucy says later that Ibby cried in the hallway for a long time.
Thursday: she starts with the not wanting to go about an hour before the bus comes; clinging to me in my bedroom; Matthew takes her hand and I hear her wailing all the way to the car; they pray on the way and try to talk about happy things while she moans; she refuses to get out of the car; Matthew walks her in; she is left screaming at the top of her lungs with the teacher.
Okay, okay, we get it! You don't want to go to school! But then, she comes home as happy as a lark, barely can say hello to me, shows me all the things she did at school, tells me about her friends and her art class. So it is heart wrenching, but she seems to be fine, so I don't know what to think every morning. I asked my friend google and it told me, "Remember: Separation anxiety means that a strong and loving bond exists between you and your child." Hmmm, then why didn't any of my other children ever go through this?!?? We must not be bonded. Something else to fret about.

Oh, and Happy Anniversary to me and my far superior other half! And Happy five month birthday to Phin -- so big!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I am not an addict

Not to be negative, but... I hate the first day of school! I always cry, but I have to hide it and be all happy so the kids don't hate school. I took pictures of the little girls and we all put on our best face for the occasion. Ibby has not been wanting to go to school at all. My other kids were all ready and excited to start kindergarten so this has been a new experience for me. She knows there are other options out there so whenever anyone has asked her if she is excited to start school, she keeps saying, "I haven't decided if I am going yet." So I have really had to talk it up (whilst biting the proverbial fingernails -- 'Should I be pushing her away when she seems to need me more than ever? Will it really be what she needs to get away from the house, make new friends, learn new things?') and shush Charles who is over in the corner muttering things like, "If you do that at school, they'll put you in detention." Thank you, oh, so helpful! But she went this morning with me and we checked out her room, locker, desk, etc. She was totally fine while we were there, but then has been making wishy washy remarks since our return. It was hard for me with the other kids as well. Ella started High School, crazy! Charles was thrown back to the wolves, but fortunately there are always a lot of police officers on hand -- so reassuring for when one is hit over the head with a food tray. Lulu is in 3rd grade which seems like the beginning of not being little. It is all so terrifically sad!!!

Yesterday I was stressed out. It all started with a dead mouse greeting me at the bottom of my stairs. Thank you so very much, Mittens. I screamed so loudly, but when I asked Matthew later if he had heard me, he said he thought I was just yelling at the kids again. Gotta live up to my reputation. Charles was so incredibly sweet and took the dead animal outside without anyone asking. I was trying to get the house clean because I started a new Bradley series last night and I also was worried because I was starting my new job as a bus. I didn't campaign for this position, but my neighbor asked me if I could pick her son up from preschool and take him to daycare. Sure, as a favor (according to working moms, why not? I am just sitting at home doing nothing after all) I would do it for her. Well, three other moms have the same problem and suddenly I am a bus. They wanted me to do it every day, but I just couldn't commit so I am doing it twice a week and charging more than I probably should. I have to get a baby in and out of a carseat several times! Okay, so I was worried about those things and then I also have the 6,000 orders hanging over my head. So, all afternoon as I yawned and worried I told myself that I could get a Dr. Pepper before my class. It would perk me up, I had a headache (pulling out the medicinal excuse), and I thought it would make me feel better. I wish I didn't like soda, but I do. I keep it to a minimum -- I am not addicted -- but I really, really wanted one yesterday. Not everyone has Dr. Pepper so I had to go to a special place. There was an accident on the way and I got stuck in traffic, then there was nowhere to park. Finally, I got inside and filled up my cup. As I was making my way to the counter, I turned too quickly and gored my cup with a shelf. The whole thing burst and flooded everywhere! I was soaking wet and very embarrassed, but the lady who worked there was very nice and started to clean it up. I went back to get another cup. I put in the ice, filled it up just so, got a lid, put in the straw, stood in line, paid the money, got back in my car, took one sip, and then a block down the road, my straw poked a hole in the bottom of the cup and it started spewing all over me, all over the car, I was screaming, people were staring. I just drove home, grumpy and dejected, no caffeine for me. Was it a sign?

We are getting new gutters on our house today so the background of my day is bad music on a subpar radio, men yelling at one another, and the aroma of cigarettes wafting in through the windows. Heaven.

You Are Kayaking

You have a competitive spirit, but you don't like to compete alone.

You do well in a partnership, where you can feed off the other person's energy.

If you have the right partner, nothing can stop you. Your energy is infinite!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Last night I had a hankering for a blueberry smoothie so I went to google a recipe, but got stuck on the internet again.  I ran into a post about jogging that was so funny! click here. A few weeks ago I went jogging with my two oldest. Ella: "Mom, you are going to ruin the bottom of your new shoes." (Yes, I was so serious about this that I had shelled out $6 for the clearance at Payless.) "Oh, you mean they are getting dirty?" "No, you aren't picking up your feet." Rude! I was so picking up my feet, just not very high. You've got to pace yourself. I also found another blog.  You should all look at this. Look at August 5th. Did you see it? Gaston? Are you kidding me? I literally almost died!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Yesterday I ran out of time so I will try to grab some today... My sister Ellen and her daughter Crystal came up to Utah while we were there and it was so fun to see them as well as her son Austin who I didn't even get to see last year!  Jenn also came over to my parents house to represent Andrew who had too much schoolwork to come -- we lived it up for him.  My kids really enjoy their company so we stayed up late night after night playing games with them.  They are all so funny and smart, it was just really fun.

One game we played a couple of times was Cranium.  In my real life no one wants to play it with me.  I have only played a few times and I like it so much because I am actually good at it!  Who knew that I could draw something legible with my eyes closed (perhaps better than with them open), spell words backward, and hum a recognizable tune?  Lest I sound like I am bragging, I fear that being good at the skills required for Cranium mean nothing in the real world.  I keep coming upon mommies who have actual, concrete talents like writing, painting, sewing, taking wonderful photos...  and they are all out there creating marvelous things.  I feel something inside me that wants to come out, but I don't know how.  

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."  -Maya Angelou 

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

That's my line!

It has been so long since I have written I am sure that anyone who has read my meager posts in the past have long since given up on me... I have missed writing, and we have been terribly busy trying to get our lives back on track, so I will try to jot something down quickly.  

The weeks leading up to our westward trek were crazy busy with record label deadlines.  We had the whole child labor thing going on with everyone (including guests unfortunate enough to show up) involved in burning, labeling, packaging, etc. cds for promos.  Then we were off.  I *love* the mountains.  It is always so nice to go home.  We started off with a bang by stopping at Downeast Home on the afternoon of our arrival.  We found a perfectly lovely duvet cover for Ella's room.  It had been eluding us for months, but we found it.  Speaking of elusive, we borrowed "The Scarlet Pimpernel" from my sister during our visit and I had forgotten how great it is.  And speaking of shopping, I did a lot of it.  I didn't mean to, but you really can dress for less at Ross.  And I was looking for some religious art.  It is spoken of often in conference talks, but Matthew and I are always looking for things that are different.  I didn't find what I was looking for on our trip so I spent the other night looking for temple pictures online.  It is amazing how lost one can get on the internet (people's blogs...)! 

Sunday brought my first anecdote.  I was at church nursing in the mother's lounge and in walked a woman with a chubby baby boy.  I am quite partial so I asked about his birthday and so on.  He was born a week before my baby, but was due after.  "What is his name?"  I inquired innocently.  "Phineas, but we call him Phin."  What!!??  Pardon me, madam, but that is my line!  I went off on my tangent about searching for names that are not super common and she then said that she had had the same problem with her older daughter's name -- Isabella!  Oh, it was funny!  I must say that I was more amused than the other mother.  We could probably be great friends since we obviously have the same taste.  My father was right when he said that I would be cursing the world by using the name Phineas since by using it I would be assuring that it would be on the road to popularity and triteness in due order.  Who would have thought?

We went to Lagoon while we were there and had such a great time!  We even went back the next day, which I knew I would regret, but it turned out okay.  The kids were so well behaved.  No whining or complaining.  They are game for anything and don't even need to stop to eat.  My friend, Christine, met us the first day so that was really nice being with another adult.  

I have to hurry since baby is waking up.  We had a wonderful time seeing family and friends.  I really think people who are there all the time take it for granted.  Maybe not.  I just know that I enjoy reconnecting so much.  I went on a little tour of everyone's houses.  Jake and Candis have an enchanting old house and she has made me want a parterre for my own front yard (two peach trees on the corners and a fountain, bliss).  Paul and Rebecca have a new house with a backyard that is full of trees, backs up to a hill, and a creek flowing by -- very feng shui.  Rachel and Chad have added on to their house and it is so amazing.  I admire the vision that that takes.  We spent quite a bit of time at Steve and Jill's playing with Max and the girls.  And we LOVED being with my parents.  They are always so hospitable.  I am sure that we are annoying at times (we irritate myself!) and sometimes I feel like we are Pigpen walking around like human tornadoes, but they only make us feel lovable and amusing and I can only hope to help those around me feel as special as they make us feel.

Back to reality.
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