I'm not worthy!

Recently I made a green bean casserole and it turned out horribly.  Is there an easier casserole to make?  But I ruined it -- I used frozen beans so they were too crunchy, I used too much milk so it was too runny, and it just basically didn't taste very good at all.  Last night I had a dream that I had to take that casserole to someone and they couldn't believe the Relief Society President had made something so awful.  I guess this all means that I am having some anxiety about my new calling and having everyone see all of my weaknesses in glaring technicolor.  I know that I can do lots of things with mediocrity, but not a whole lot with excellence and I don't want anyone to get frustrated with me and I most certainly don't want anyone to tell me that I did something subpar because I just might cry.  Some people have told me that I probably knew this was coming since I was first counselor already, but I really didn't.  I felt quite confident that Heavenly Father knew that me being the RS president would not be in the best interests for the ward -- or for me and my family, for that matter.


I have been feeling quite overwhelmed, but that could be because I found something else out the very same day I was called.  Something funny.  What do you think would be the absolute funniest thing I could find out?  I'll let you think about it.


The worst thing is that now I have so many keys that my key ring rivals Matthew's and he keeps taking mine.  That is the worst thing, right?

subconscious phobias

There are moments when I am confronted by my psychoses, but usually they are just part of the random thoughts coursing through my brain -- mostly too swift to capture and really consider, so generally ignored.  I feel that I am a confident, well-adjusted person, but I do have my fair share of irrational fears that I don't recognize until the danger has passed.

For example, while we lived in Japan I was sure that there would be an earthquake to end all earthquakes during our sojourn -- because that would be my luck, and I guess it is better to expect it than to be surprised, right?  So every night, without thinking too much about it, I would be very careful about where I put my glasses -- yes, the thing I worried the absolute most about was not being able to see anything, not my children, although they did come in a very close second.  The reason for this is because my glasses would be shattered and I am basically blind and then how could I take care of anything?  I wouldn't be able to and everyone would suffer.  It is reasonable.  And every morning as I got ready I would think, "Will today be the day?"  On average, I think we felt about five earthquakes a month so I would always wonder as one started how bad it was going to get, even though I had been told that the big ones start big with a jolt, and these were mostly softer and rolling.  After we had been there a while it wasn't something I thought about purposefully, just more of something that was part of my rhythm, part of the daily jostle of thoughts.  When we were back in the U.S. living in New Hampshire was when the fear really became apparent because I would often be so overcome with relief that there was very little chance for a life changing earthquake each day.  A little bit loopy, I know.

This same thing happens to me every winter when it gets really cold outside.  Every time I get in the car I think, "Whew, there probably isn't a deranged killer hiding in my backseat waiting for the perfect time to slash me into pieces."  And as I rush to my back door late at night I tell myself how nice it is that there certainly couldn't possibly be an axe murderer waiting patiently in the bushes for my return -- because it is too bone chillingly glacial outside for even the crazies to be out.  But normally I don't even realize that I have those fears, that I am terrified to be out at night, that I hate to get into empty cars, that I am sure that will be the way that I die.  

Maybe I don't know quite how to explain it, but my phobias seem to be flighty little things that I hardly notice while their absence is more tangible and weighty and thus more noticeable to me.  I guess it is an okay way to be.  I still go on with my life, but am so happy and relieved when the threat is no longer present.  And the second item is one thing to like about winter.  I'm making a list, but it is slow going.  What are you afraid of?

it's tough getting stuff out of the garbage, but someone has to do it

I mentioned that I did something to my back a few weeks ago, and part of it was moving furniture around.  Said furniture was a couch and a love seat that I found in my neighbor's garbage pile.  I knew that I didn't really have a place for them, but after wracking my brain wondering who else might need them, and the imminent threat of a rain storm, I came upon the brilliant idea of squeezing them into my already more than amply supplied home.

::If you saw this this lovely upholstery wouldn't you just jump at the chance, too?

::here is a photo of our "library" before -- a room in which we also watch shows together on our computer (I love netflix!).  It is a little bit much squeezing two adults, two teenagers, and three littles on one loveseat and one chair.  I decided to move this loveseat up to the landing, but it stuck out too much so this came back down and the new one went up.

::the new arrangement in what I now call the "face off" room.  We can intertwine our legs across the aisle and the computer and t.v. now face off for our attention.  I went to Ikea and got white slipcovers for the new couch and loveseat and they fit almost perfectly!  The best $49 I ever spent.

::here is the landing before, but I have always wanted a window seat or something more comfy on which to sit and enjoy the western sunlight.

::not a fantastic photo, but you get the idea.  Matthew and Ella both think the space is too small to accommodate upholstered furniture of any sort, but Mittens definitely approves and spends most of her day here now.  This slipcover was only $11!

::one casualty at the moment is our dining room which is suffering a glut of chairs -- mostly because of the Christmas trees which displaced two chairs from the hallway and one from the living room, but then since the chess table landed there from the landing and the little rocking chair came from the library, we're starting to look a little scary.  I am not a hoarder!!!  

In the meantime Matthew is dying to know what else we can slip a white cover on.  I'll think of something.

and the mother of the year award goes to...

Yesterday was a red letter day in which I definitely was in the running for Mother of the Year.  There are two incidents which stand out.

1. First I was having trouble with my several years old pre-lit Christmas tree.  Last year the very top strand of lights was no longer working so I added one string and then this year hardly any were working so on Tuesday I ran out and bought a few more boxes and instead of taking off the non-working lights (I tried, but they are really tightly wound around the branches) I just wrapped more on and plugged them all together.  Yesterday morning I noticed that about half of them were off again so I was fiddling with all of the wires and putting way too many into one outlet, but they were all on again so I was happy... until I heard a popping and fizzing sound and looked and saw that the lights were all smoking!!!  So I almost burned my house down because I like shiny lights.  I'm just glad I was still standing right there.  I hate how disposable and cheap the lights and everything are, but I suppose I'm not ready to go back to candles.
2. The second thing is much, much worse.  I put Phin down for a nap before I went to pick up Ella for her voice lesson and told Matthew, who was working in the basement, that I was leaving.  I had dropped Ella off and ran to the very conveniently located Goodwill and was in there for about half an hour when my phone rang.  It was my neighbor.  She asked, "Where are you?"  "I'm at Goodwill."  "Who is home with Phin?" "Matthew."  Well, she found him screaming, screaming, screaming in her backyard and she thinks he had been back there for a while because she had heard her screen door five minutes before she found him, and he was in his socks and no coat -- there was snow on the ground and it was below 20˚ and he was all wet, but she now had him wrapped in a blanket sitting on her couch.  I felt so terrible!  And the outcome could have been so much worse!  There is a very busy street three houses down so he could have been run over or kidnapped, or he could have been outside for a lot longer, or wandered somewhere farther away and gotten lost -- people get their kids taken away for things like this!  I even thought about locking my back door because I know he can open it, but I knew the girls would be home about 10 minutes before me and they don't have a key so I didn't do it.  We will have to come up with a better solution, unless he learned something from the experience, which I doubt.  When I told Ella what happened she responded, "He is just as stupid as Mittens"  -- our cat who also really thinks it would be amazing to go outside and then upon discovering the cold temperatures immediately changes her tune only to discover that she can't open the door.  The similarities are eery.

speech pathology

I've mentioned before that we have been slightly concerned with the delay in Phin's verbal progress, but as long as he was making small but steady improvements I had decided not to worry about it too much.  A couple of months ago he really started to take off with the full parroting stage and now I have the pleasure of arguing with him about everything!  

me: Go get your alligator.

him: That's a dinosaur.

me: Would you like a clementine?

him: No, I want a gunkin (pumpkin)!

me: There's Santa on your pajamas, ho, ho, ho!

him: That's Grandpa!  No ho ho.

me: Oh, you sneezed!

him: No!  I burped!

He has also decided to randomly add the "ch" sound to all sorts of things.  There's chochit (chocolate) of course and the chitchen (kitchen) where we eat chunch (lunch) and he calls himself Chin and all little animals (baby bears, penguins, puppies, what have you) are also Chin.  Whenever it is time to say a prayer, we try to quietly ask someone and starts before he realizes or else it is always, "Chin's turn!  Garble, garble, garble, daddy, garble, .... (sometimes short, sometimes really long) garble, garble AMEN!"

Some other cute things he says are die, for goodbye, so we tell everyone he is cursing them, and doom for moon.  Anytime he sees the moon in the sky even in the middle of the afternoon, he says, "Night night doom!"  He's obviously a bit of a fatalist.

it's been awhile

There has been so much going on lately and a lot of laying around at the same time.  I did something to my back and I couldn't even sit at my computer desk!  I know -- the tragedy!  I am not quite sure what happened, but I imagine rather than it being just one thing it was a combination of raking, leaning over Phin, moving furniture all over kingdom come, and never forget the infernal laundry!  So my back was hurting and then add in a combined about 7 hours of sitting in the fiendish church pews (I am sorry, but those benches can be wretched after prolonged exposure) over the course of a few days because of various meetings and I was completely laid out last Sunday afternoon.  The following week consisted of me taking the kids to seminary, laying on my bed, taking kids to school, laying on my bed, moving all of the dishes to the edge of the counter then kneeling to put them in the dishwasher, laying on my bed, going to the chiropractor, laying on my bed, vacuuming, laying on my bed, teaching my class, laying on my bed, being in charge of RS meeting, laying on my bed -- I'm sure you get the idea.  Then on Friday, after I had gotten a back brace and was feeling a teensy bit better, I caught the virulent stomach bug that has been mowing down the entire city (Lucy, Phin, Ibby, and I got the vomiting part and the other three members of my family just feel yucky and wiped out) so spent a couple of more days in my bed.  I do have a pretty comfortable bed so that is good. 


Our friend just left with the greeting, "Have fun celebrating the genocide of this country's indigenous people."  Okay.  And don't forget the raising and subsequent slaughter of millions of top heavy turkeys.  Let's all go enjoy that, shall we?

dahliaaaah

Last Thursday night it froze so everything not winter hardy turned black!  Fortunately I was out in the dark gathering up the green tomatoes, peppers, zinnias, and some lovely dinner plate dahlias (that had to fend for themselves since I'm too lackluster to stake anything).

I even dug up the bulbs to save for next year so we'll see if I'm capable of letting them exist that long.  I also pulled up the rest of the garden and gathered the zinnia tops for seeds.

Another Halloween picture -- we went to our first ever Murder Mystery party.  I was Madame Garlique and Matthew was Balihi the RodgersandHammerstein monster.  I already owned everything that made up my costume (except the garlic I had to buy), who knew I was so bohemian?  And we found Matthew's seersucker suit at an estate sale that morning for one dolla'.  And really, I must insist that people take my picture from above only!  That chin = not good.

And I think I need this for Christmas:

I promise that I would use it to go to the store!  As long as it wasn't too hot or too cold (basically for about two weeks out of the year).