gambatte

Today I got emotional when I passed Hello Kitty in the toy aisle at Target, so I've spent the evening watching news clips about Japan.  I was avoiding it for a few days because I knew I couldn't handle it, but then I thought about how I have kind of regretted not watching any footage of 9/11, or other disasters, and it has been eye opening.  It is certainly different watching video, of the tsunami in particular, than it is to just read about it.  There is one that was so sad of people trying to run from the wave and everyone yelling, "Hayaku, hayaku!"  Heart wrenching!  I was sitting here alone and crying, not able to tear myself away, when I switched to some that were more positive from today.  Japanese people are so resilient and so completely civilized!  The story was about how they were sure they were going to have to do rolling blackouts across the whole country, but then didn't have to because everyone was voluntarily using as little electricity as possible; that everyone was getting right to work to help themselves and their neighbors dig out of the rubble; that there has not been even ONE incidence of looting in the entire country; that at the shelter they were being tidy and making sure to recycle (no one was being raped!).  I, of course, couldn't help but compare it to after Katrina and how horrible so many people behaved, and the most annoying thing I think I have EVER heard in all my livelong days was Celine Dion on Larry King crying for the looters, that we should just let them take all the jeans they want out of the stores because they don't have anything left.  What about the owners of said jeans?  What about doing something useful instead of criminal?  What about not being so depraved as to take advantage of natural disasters to give in to your most base instincts?  Deep breath.  I guess I should try to get over that.  I know it was simply a few bad apples and that most people were doing their best.  My point is, I think Japan will be okay and we can all learn from their dignified example.

Over here, I will pray for them and try to remember what things are most important -- because anything can happen in one life changing moment.  

and... it's not a girl!

Yes, I am in shock -- we're having another brother.  Why would I be so surprised?  I knew that it had to be one or the other, but ever since I knew I was pregnant, I thought for sure that it was a girl.  I have had about 8 dreams that I was holding a baby girl and only one that it was a boy -- and in that one it was just an ultrasound dream, not an actual baby.  We only had a girl name picked out and I have been buying loads of girl clothes -- who can resist the sweet things at Gap when they're 50% off clearance I ask you?  Pas moi.  Ella said that I can still put the black and white kitty cat mary janes on a boy, but I'm afraid that would be a little much, even for me.  As I lay back while she did the ultrasound I couldn't help but be thankful that I had decided to find out because I don't know how I would've reacted at the birth.


My dreams have been bizarre.  Last week I dreamt I was leaving my neighbor's house out their back door and it led to a dark passageway that got smaller and smaller until I had to crawl out of a small opening into their backyard.  When I stood up I was holding a beautiful baby girl.  I asked Matthew to get her some clothes and he came back with something way too big, but I didn't care -- I was just relieved the labor had been so easy.  In my dream a few days ago I was laying on the floor massaging a baby girl and repeating over and over, "I'm so glad you're out.  I'm so glad you're out."  But when I woke up the baby was not out.  Hmmm.


So now we're back to square one.  Matthew is in California so when I called to tell him the ultrasound results he was as surprised as I was.  About 30 minutes later I got a text saying, "I can't believe we're having another boy.  When Ella leaves next year we'll have more boys than girls at home."  So strange because we were such a girly family for so long -- three girls and one boy -- but the tides have turned.  The rest of my texts  were boy name suggestions including: Clarence, Philo, Clive, Oscar...  So the challenge is on.  All recommendations will be taken into consideration.  I'm fairly certain that Reginald is out of contention, unfortunately.  


Well, at least we can rest easy that the Smith name won't be dying out on our account.  Phew!

let's hose it down

For the most part, I think I keep my house pretty clean.  I am always on top of laundry and dishes, vacuum and clean bathrooms at least once a week, force children to clean rooms and do one other heinous chore on Saturdays, and most difficult of all -- manage to keep the paper flare ups (mail, schoolwork) to a low simmer.  I am not so good at dusting, wiping walls, noticing random clutter, bringing bags of Goodwill home, and probably millions of other things, but to make myself feel better I have a macabre fascination with shows like Hoarders and Clean House -- now at my fingertips any time I want!  It helps me maintain my feelings of smugness and superiority which are so important to my self-esteem.  


Well, we couldn't find the Ensign magazine for the whole month of February so we kept having to print off different things.  As I thought about it, I realized that we didn't have any of the other church magazines for that month so either: 1. our subscription had ended without me knowing, 2. the postman really wanted to read them, or 3. they were all three still in their plastic wrap somewhere in the house.  Then one afternoon I received a phone call from the gas company that my payment was very late and the next day a note came in the mail that our water bill had suffered a similar fate.  What was going on?  I began to suspect that there was a whole stack of mail hiding somewhere in our house.  I looked and I looked -- for about six weeks, but it was obviously very well camouflaged and I was quite certain that one of the children was responsible.  It turns out that it had magically become completely invisible by being set on a chair in the dining room.  A chair!  In one of the cleanest rooms in my house!  In that six weeks we had had at least three different families and the missionaries over for dinner.  How did we not see a pile of clutter???  It boggles my mind.  And makes me want clear it all out and start over.

parking blues

Yesterday I went to help with Lucy's class (success -- I remembered!) and, as always, had trouble finding a place to park, but eventually sucked in my van as much as I could and squeezed between another van and a driveway.  I slowly pulled up as closely as I could, just kissing the bumper in front of me, and my backside overlapped the driveway by about 2 inches.  When I came out of the school 30 minutes later I saw a police car pulling up.  I kind of smiled as I saw the bald and extremely overweight officer try to hoist himself out of his seat for a few minutes.  When he had finally extricated himself he walked directly over to my car and pulled out a little notebook.  I scooped up Phin and ran right over.  "Are you looking at my car?"  I asked in surprise.  "Yes.  These people called the police because you are blocking their driveway."  No.  I wasn't.  They would've had absolutely no trouble getting out of their driveway, if they had even wanted to, which they didn't, they were just being mean.  "And," he added, "you are touching the car in front of you.  Would you want someone doing that to your car?  Would you want someone blocking your driveway?  The people who live along this street HATE when people park in front of their house and the principal has told parents to be more careful about where they park.  Also, the law is that there should be 3 feet between your car and the driveway.  And there are other places to park."  I took a deep breath and said, "I pulled up really slowly so I don't think there was any damage done to the car.  When I arrived there was no other place to park or I would've parked somewhere else."  What I didn't say was, "This is a 90 year old school with no parking lot!  I bet the school was here when they bought their house!  They made a choice about what kinds of traffic patterns, noise, etc. they were willing to accept by buying a house in this neighborhood!  I am being a good citizen by volunteering at the school so often!  Where am I supposed to park?  And no I wouldn't mind if someone parked that close to me because we all just need to work together to fit in the allotted spaces!  I am most certainly not blocking that driveway!  I would NEVER call the police for something so trivial!  I have actually had someone blocking my driveway and I just waited for them to move, but I could have tried to find them, or written a note (gasp!) instead of calling in reinforcements for what so obviously is not an emergency!  I am pregnant!  

I guess he heard that last silent piece of my mind because he looked at me with my belly and my two year old and said he wouldn't give me a ticket this time.  Thanks a lot.  It is discouraging.  Grrrr.

drats -- foiled again!

Tonight is New Beginnings at church so I changed my childbirth class, which normally meets on Tuesdays, to Monday night this week so I could go.  On Sunday I thought that perhaps I should e-mail everyone to remind them, but after 7(!) hours at church I dropped that from my agenda and just hoped that everyone would remember.  Well, almost everyone did.  You will never guess who didn't.  Yes, that is right, I didn't.  Not once all day did I even have a glimmer of memory, but instead lolled around doing absolutely nothing.  I would think about vacuuming and then think, "No, I should wait until tomorrow so it is fresh for my class."  Then I would consider wiping down the bathroom, but once again thought that I should put it off for one more day.  Instead of doing any household chores, I did yoga -- in the middle of the living room where I hold the class, then proceeded to leave all of the related paraphernalia laying around -- read books that weren't in any way related to my class topic and spent too much time on the computer, per my usual habit.  I even started making dinner really late since Matthew teaches a class, Ella was at dance, and Charles was playing at a b-ball game.  At 6:20 I started pulling some things out of the refrigerator and the doorbell rang.  Who could that be?  What a strange time for someone to be bothering me.  I go to the very darkened doorway, since I hadn't even turned on the porch light, peek out and what do you know?  It is the first couple arriving.  They were very kind and helped me rearrange the furniture, waited while I lectured the girls on how to feed themselves and Phin dinner and put him to bed, and were very patient while I quickly got out everything I needed for the class.  It was a little stressful, but it all turned out okay in the end.


I think I'm hopeless.

tums, tum-tum-tum, tums!

Nothing very funny or interesting has been happening lately.  Just the same ole thing -- driving 50 places a day, wanting to move to Italy, not being able to swallow because there seems to be a rock in my esophagus  -- yep, pretty much standard events.


I have another funeral to supervise, but I have no direction this time so it should be interesting.  Another woman died of cancer this morning, but this time I was really so relieved more than anything because she has had cancer on and off for years and I saw her two weeks ago and she just seemed miserable.  I'm sorry, but sometimes euthanasia seems so humane.  Sorry God.  When I saw her she didn't seem that close to death so fortunately things went somewhat quickly and smoothly.  Downer.  I found out last week that my dad has cancer and it has made me super emotional.  It should be fine.  It is just a reminder of our mortality that I didn't really want.  I can't really talk about it.


Speaking of death (always a wonderful segue), Phin walked in about an hour ago with his mouth chock full of what I thought was some more Valentines candy he had scavenged from the girls' cupboard, but later I found an open bottle of Tums on the kitchen counter and realized that that was what he had hunted down instead.  He has some kind of homing device in his brain for candy and Tums are brightly colored and fruity flavored -- fits the description pretty well.  I tried to google its dangers, but besides kidney failure possibilities I couldn't really find any information.  How worried should I be?  I have had heartburn so badly that I honestly thought I was having a heart attack the other day, but the tums aren't working anyway so I should probably put them away, wouldn't you say?


Since I'm being a little morbid and depressing I will end with a little joke:


Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!

la, la, la - what were the words to that song?

The next astonishing occurrence was that I couldn't remember the name of a song.  Yes, despite what you may think, this is blog worthy because you will soon see that it is imperative that I put this information on the internet somewhere.  This sort of thing has happened to me before.  Last March (in France) we heard a song on the radio that I couldn't get out of my head and it took me three long and grueling months to find the artist, (it was Dimie Cat -- and if I ever sang professionally, I would love to have a similar sound) fortunately this latest mind bender only lasted one night.  We were watching LCD Soundsystem on the Colbert show and they sang "I Can Change."  I had listened to their music before, Matthew and the kids had seen them perform at Pitchfork in the summer, so it wasn't completely new, but for some reason when he sang the chorus I thought, "This is exactly like a song from the 80's!"  I could vaguely hear it in my head, but I couldn't quite grasp it.  I asked Matthew if he knew what I was thinking of, and he said he could only hear the song we were actually listening to.  What?  Thinking of only one thing at a time sounds like pure craziness.  So afterward I started searching the internet because surely someone else had heard what I did!  I spent an hour and I kept yelling to Matthew to help me, but I couldn't think of any words and he claimed that he had no idea what was going on in my head -- right, I've heard that before.  I knew that it was best to forget about it, but my mind kept going back to this fragment of melody all night like a dog with a bone, chewing on it for awhile, walking around it in circles, then settling back down to gnaw on it some more -- through helping with homework, putting kids to bed, an episode of Mad Men (a guilty pleasure), hours of infernal heartburn torture, Phin crawling into our bed and scratching my legs with his toenails (they need a trim), and then finally at 5:00 a.m. when my nice husband went to wake up the kids for seminary, I was blessed with a few more lines of the song -- still no words -- and I tried to stay in that half awake state to see it through.  It was so fragile, like trying to remember a dream or contain a handful of smoke, but I had more of the rhythm and then -- hallelujah -- some words and I had it!  I sang it to Matthew and he totally knew, but neither of us could think of the band and surmised that it must have been a one-hit wonder.  I obviously couldn't go back to sleep so I ran downstairs to find out and it was When in Rome.  What a relief!  Most people probably didn't listen to that song in high school, but we had a great radio station, KJQ out of Orem, Utah that played all sorts of cool stuff -- probably to counteract all of the horrible music coming out at the same time (Bon Jovi).  I saw that the song was featured in Napoleon Dynamite and Matthew said that figured, because for some reason that unique brand of alternative music really resonated with Mormons and is now being sent out into the world through film.  So I am going to say it here now so that no one else will have to endure the suffering that I have: when someone googles "LCD soundsystem I can change sounds like" it will come here to my blog to tell them that it is very similar to When in Rome, The Promise -- not Echo and the Bunnymen, not New Order, not Eurythmics -- three claims that others had made.  I don't know if I would've ever figured out who the band was without the internet.  How did humans survive so long without google?
Another funny thing, while I was suffering through my headache yesterday and forgetting important rendezvous, I tried to find some episodes of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" (because what would be better for someone who actually has a baby that needs to come out of her body than watching people screaming in childbirth agony) and came across a movie called Birth of a Golem starring none other than Annie Lennox and then not 12 hours later being guided to the video of Love is a Stranger.  Two completely random Annie Lennox incidents in one day when I have had no reason to think of her for over 20 years -- what a remarkable universe.  I am quite, quite certain you are shaking your head in awe and wonder.