Robin Egg Blue

When I was doing my Restorative Partner Yoga training at Bodhi Yoga I really enjoyed the immersive aspect of the experience.  (I did a 10 day intensive course, and Syl Carson, the owner, also offers a course that meets on weekends over a few months).  I probably could have stolen away and gone back to my mom's house or had lunch with family, but I loved staying really close to the studio and not getting into my car for the whole day.  On the last day of the training, I walked across the street to my favorite little soup place.  It felt cold and loud inside the restaurant -- I can never really adjust to air conditioning, brrr!  So I took my food outside to have some quiet time (near the road, haha) and feel the sun burrow into my bones.  As I sat down, a small blue object caught my eye.  I bent down to see what it was and found the remains of a robin's egg!  I looked around and could not imagine where it possibly could have come from!  It was just lying in the rocky ground cover all by itself.  Don't they usually fall from a tree?  But there weren't any trees nearby.  So, I concluded that it must obviously be a message from the universe!  Of course.  I took the egg back to the studio and presented it to Syl as a gift, adding it to the objects on the main altar.  Later I looked up what the meaning could be and found this:

"Robin will incite new growth in all areas of your life, areas that have become stagnant and out-dated. You must believe in yourself as you move forward for if you do, barriers will disappear, and confrontations will be for show only. Robin will show you how to do this with joy in your hearts. Their song is a happy one, reminding you to let go of your personal drama and learn to laugh with life.
The robins eggs are powder blue. This colour is associated with the throat chakra in man and is also linked to heavenly inspiration. As the throat chakra’s main function is use as an expression of All That Is and the egg is symbolic of new life, you will be taught how to express yourselves positively in all you do. You will be lead to new beginnings without fear by restoring trust in yourself and your soul. Meditate on Robin and the right path will be shown to you."

I thought that was very applicable as I was ready to start out on this new path -- growing, the need to believe in myself, learning to laugh with life, and finding my voice in this new modality.  I still don't see myself as a healer, but as I have gone through this experience of getting my practice hours in, I have loved hearing how good it makes people feel, how restorative the sessions are, and yes, how incredibly healing this Partner Yoga can be.  Plus, it's my favorite color!  So, that is also a little kiss from heaven telling me I'm on the right track.  

January Sunrise

Taken from the warmth of my bedroom

Mindful(less)ness

Today I decided to be more mindful as I drove around town and I kept missing my turns! It turns out that I drive better when I'm thinking random things, basically on auto pilot, than when I'm noticing the car next to me and its particular shade of blue 💙💙💙

To Realize Life While We Live It

It has been freezing freezing lately.  But it makes it so the radiators keep steaming away and my bedroom gets so hot!  It's positively sweltering!  And then Matthew wants to cuddle and I just can't take it!  There really is no completely comfortable place in my house, temperature wise.  Perhaps if I stood in the middle of the stairway between floors... I could set up a cushion for reading.

We saw Our Town yesterday afternoon. Have you seen it?  It was amazing!  I've read it before and thought it was so boring -- it is, after all, depicting how regular life is -- but seeing it played out was beautiful.  

"Oh Earth! You're too wonderful for anyone to realize you.  Do any humans ever realize life while they live it?  Every every minute?"

Gah!  We laughed, we cried.  So good.

We took the day off from school today so it is a rest day for me.  I still have the two yoga classes, but no schooling is happening and the boys have friends over.  This morning they were being so ridiculous -- just random loud noises for the sake of making a racket and asking questions like, "Mom, how many bowling balls do you see falling from the sky right now?"  There were also lovely things like, "How is it possible that the big snowflakes look so much like overripe dandelions?"  But I finally had to say that I am so sorry, but I just don't have any capacity for nonsense today.  Sometimes that is just how it is!

Chiron

My oldest son is 23 years old and has gotten married and had a baby within the past year. In the last six months or so he has been obsessed with talking to me about the wounds from his childhood that I caused. He's told me not to feel bad (oh, don't worry! I do!) but that he just wants to heal them. Okay, fine. I try to not get defensive and just listen, say I'm sorry, but he does this every time we're together! In September when I went to help with the baby, he'd corner me and want to talk about it.

I understand that he has real issues -- I was very young when he was little, he's the 2nd of 6 kids so he was there for my grumpy pregnancies and difficult first years of babies, he was the only boy with 3 sisters until he was 12 and he liked to bug them, my husband was in graduate school and we moved often... I'm sure he bore the brunt of my immaturity, impatience, and exhaustion. And yet! I loved him! I cuddled with him, read him stories, took him to the park, traveled the world -- we lived in Japan, France, and Spain (is going to museums a wound, haha), was an advocate for him at school, went to chess tournaments, basketball games, cross country meets, rubbed his feet when he couldn't sleep, I didn't yell when he was smoking pot in his bedroom, have been so supportive of his strange post high school choices, not to mention feeding him and keeping him alive!!!

This past Christmas we had everyone here and despite a stomach bug, we had a great time being together. But, there he was again, when we were alone, bringing it up. And the last night he says to me, " Mom, I have seen your soul. I know you better than anyone and I know you're more than just a mean person." Uh... I was speechless. Is that supposed to be a compliment? I wouldn't even use that word to describe myself. Moody, maybe 🙂 but that's obviously how he sees me.

So I finally looked at his chart last night and the very first thing in his first house is freaking Chiron!!!! I have often said that he was born mad and he really was! And it's aspecting Pluto and the moon? At this point he seems to only be remembering the harder times which isn't accurate, but regardless, he definitely has Mommy problems. He never says anything like this to his dad.

Did we even have a chance? Is this just our journey together? Can this relationship be saved? 🤣😭🤣😭

Poetic Anxiety

I've been feeling this so much lately! Or, actually, amazement that all of those things don't happen every day -- letters arrive, destinations are reached safely, dinner is cooked, loved ones return 🙂

Tiny Poem Tuesday

We've never tried
to mend the hole
at the end of our drive,
hoping that avoidance
will be enough

but it keeps getting bigger