For Nicole

For Nicole

The phrase "a heavy heart" 
never struck me before.
I feel it now.
The lowest chambers
of my heart sinking
into my gut,
the grief settling there
with a mournful melody.

It has been one week.

One week of being startled
over and over and over
by the (un)reality of her absence.
An absence that goes
beyond blankness
into the realm of void
and vacuum.

One week of memories
tripping and falling,
nipping at my heels:

Our daily song began first thing,
herding kids off to school,
five minutes stretching
to many hours
of gliding fluidly
from one yard to another
pushing a swing, catching a ball,
soothing a hurt, nursing a baby...
without missing a beat
without dropping a note.
The afternoon movement
a crescendo -- more kids,
homework, guarding the alley,
making dinner --
hers planned for the month
mine always a surprise.

She is still here in
the high frequency
of our duet --
joys, sorrows,
depths, shallows --
an eternal vibration.

Ode to a Lovely Maple

• Shifted light leaves me off - kilter out of balance Last night we dined "en plein air" as we do, unable to stop gazing up up up at the dizzying absence. Before they had finished chopping, chipping, my daughter and I ran to measure -- our arms encircling her wide expanse -- a farewell embrace. 14 feet 2 inches! How long was she standing watching over this house so steadfastly? We first stepped inside one golden June afternoon, sunlight dancing and jumping in glittering patches across the wood floors. Through humid summers her vast canopy shielded us from the heat, keeping our rooms deliciously cool. Each October brought a burst of flame, bathing us all in shimmering yellow. She shook each last leaf to carpet the grass, benevolently brightening the months of darkness. Disoriented, I mourn my faithful friend in this new, alien space.

It's Gone

I've been so sad for the four days it took to fell the magnificent maple. And oh, the carnage! The casualties noted so far: three forsythias, seven hydrangeas, three boxwoods, four rosebushes, too many hostas, ferns, daisies, and day lilies to count, the entire front lawn, a fence, one kitchen window, one majestic tree, and my hot hot house.

Our gorgeous tree is being taken down today -- thank you for your beauty, your hospitality to the birds and squirrels, cooling and shading our home and patio, and all of that oxygen! RIP, you will be missed.

Church Yoga

I was asked to teach the church girls some yoga and it turned out really well!  Of course, I was really nervous, so what do I do when I get nervous?  I buy accessories!  I bought a new speaker so that I could have some nice music for the occasion and it really did help.  I found an older model Bose speaker for a good price and I love it!  Music helps to stayed focused during the quiet times and sets a nice peaceful tone for the class. We started out with getting settled in our breath then some seated poses, standing, and a quick Bodhi flow.  I had a lot of things planned that we didn't get to -- which is much better than running out of things to do, right?

It is so nice of people to help me get my hours!