It's Not About You

My sister, Ellen, is the one I credit with introducing me to yoga.  She sent me a Kundalini Yoga dvd and from there I bought some more and borrowed different videos from the library.  I loved how yoga made me feel and went through cycles of regular and not so regular practice.  It wasn't until I had been doing it for several years that I felt brave enough to attend a live class.  I didn't want to embarrass myself and I was so un-athletic that I didn't even have any active wear that didn't also include a hole in the backside.  But, when I was pregnant with my youngest we had a membership to a local health club and the membership included unlimited class attendance -- let's be honest, the cost of a yoga class was also holding me back a bit.  So I started attending the most lovely class ever and I tried to go twice a week.  I noticed that my body felt so much better through that long, uncomfortable, too old pregnancy and my mood definitely improved.  This most lovely class was taught by the one and only Tonya (angels singing, aaaaaah) and I must admit that she spoiled me to other teachers.  If she had to get a sub, or when she eventually left that location, I just couldn't enjoy another class quite as much.  All of this is to say that I get it, I get that she is wonderful... 

So, now to last Saturday.  Tonya and I now teach at the same yoga studio.  She was so encouraging to me as I started my yoga certification journey at Bodhi Yoga. I was intimidated by her amazing-ness and she would always say, "I have been teaching for a very very long time, AND you're not me, you're YOU!"  Which is true, right?  And she also pushed me to just get out there and get my teaching hours.  Literally made me do it.  Yes, I love her.  She hardly ever asks for subs and when she does, I had heard that some of her students will get up and walk out when they see another teacher show up!  Can you believe that?  It is insane!  So last Friday when she texted me personally -- not in the main teacher group thread -- to ask if I could sub for her the next morning so that she could attend a retreat in Wisconsin I said, "Sure thing!" (haha) because, even though those stories of students leaving intimidated me, I knew it would mean a lot to her.  I planned my class and tried to push down my nervousness, knowing people were getting up extra early on a Saturday morning for her -- for her!  And I totally understand, she is a great teacher!  

I get out of my car and there is a man exiting his car, fetching his mat out of the back... So he's woken up before 7:30, driven all the way there, has gotten up the gumption to get out of his car and then he sees me unlocking the door and suddenly stops.

"Are you teaching today?" he asks suspiciously.  

"Yes." 

"Well, I want Tonya," he whines.

"She went to a retreat."

"She didn't say anything about it on Wednesday.  I want Tonya.  I'm going to go," he pouts.

I reply, "You know, it is actually hard for Tonya to find a sub because of this kind of (gesturing vaguely yet pointedly in his direction).  It is nice for her to be able to go do other things sometimes."

"I just want Tonya." Childishly returns mat to back of car, gets into car and leaves.  

I also notice a woman sitting in her car, recognize her as someone who attends the class because she is also my friend's daughter's voice teacher.  Aha!  I never forget a face!  In a couple of minutes she also leaves.  Even though I was trying to steel myself for this eventuality, it still leaves a pit in my stomach and I start nervous sweating.  Who knows how many other people in the parking lot screeched out of there?  Probably hordes of them!  I quickly tell the other three students standing there as well as the next person coming in, that I'm subbing for Tonya  -- spitting it out to get it over with in case they decide to pack up their mats and hightail it out of there, but they all stayed, bless their sweet little hearts.  The whole thing left me shaking.

I was hoping that writing it all out would help me flesh out some sort of moral or life lesson, but it hasn't -- it is mostly an amusing anecdote!  But I guess what I could learn is to not be a jerk? I'm sure those people are perfectly nice and feel entitled to have a choice in how to spend their money and time, but do they realize how rude they're being?  How bad they made me feel?  How hard they're making it for their beloved teacher to take a little break sometimes?  It is really quite selfish.  So, next time you decide to set aside a little me time and do something for yourself -- like attend a yoga class -- remember that it is not only about you.  Very few things in life are.