Last Winter Orchestra Concert

When they were little, everything was firsts, but now it seems like last everything.  The orchestra played really well!  I'm going to miss going.  Lucinda is a senior, and Ibby has decided to quit orchestra next year.  I tried to talk her out of it, but once that girl decides something... she is definitely stubborn.  Those quiet ones always get you.

Strings!

Phin started taking cello this fall and he had his first concert today.  It was so nice to be with lots of our other homeschool friends!  And the boys loved the reception afterward, of course.

Sufjan!

Today we had to say goodbye to Charles for the summer so we took him down to St. Louis where he caught a train to Kansas City to sell pesticide.  Fun stuff.  After we dropped him off we went to a yummy Korean restaurant for dinner and then to the Peabody Opera House to see SUFJAN!  He's my fave, for sure!  We had great, I mean completely amazing, seats!  And no one stood up in front of us, score!

music and worth

Tonight I went and sang at an assisted living place with about six other women from church.  It was so fun.  I just love to sing!  I was having to not look around at the people and/or think about the words I was singing because I was afraid I was going to start tearing up (snot running down her nose!), I get so emotional sometimes.  "For the beauty of the earth ♪♫ ... Yes, it is beautiful, and the skies are, too.  Oh, yes, and the love surrounding me.  (weep, weep, weep)

Yesterday I was even worse.  I picked up Ella from school and started the usual cross-questioning and torturous interrogation that comprises our usual journey home.  "Anything of note happen today?"  "Well, actually yes..."  She then proceeds to tell me that when she was in the bathroom before school started a girl went into the stall next to her, vomited a couple of times, and then started repeating "I hate myself, I hate myself" over and over.  That is SO sad!   Ella said that later she went up to her and asked if she was okay and the girl smiled and said fine.  Um, no, she is not fine!  I hurried in from the car and started cleaning something in the house and Ella looked at me and asked, "Are you crying?"  I then started sobbing and talking to Ella about how sometimes I've felt bad about myself and she probably does sometimes, too, but we know we are not alone and we have so much support.  I told her that she should go to school tomorrow and give that girl a Book of Mormon and tell her that God loves her and that we love her.  "Um, Mom?  I barely had the courage to ask her if she was okay.  She might beat me up." Alright, fine.  Matthew then came upstairs to see what was wrong because he thought that Ella and I were fighting.   "No, but there is a girl at the high school who hates herself!  Isn't that sad?"  I looked back at two people with their eyes wide, nodding their heads as they slowly backed away.... I know that this is not an isolated case which makes it even more tragic.  I was talking with a friend who made a very good point.  On the one hand, some of these kids might do well getting dropped off in the middle of the Sudan to see that just maybe their life isn't so bad.  True.  On the other hand, the world is so incredibly cruel and these emotions are real!  I feel like telling the devil and his minions to back off.  Stop telling everyone that they're not good enough and that they're worthless.  Stop tantalizing with the unrealistic and unattainable.  Stop desensitizing the horror and numbing reception to the things that are really important.  I am angry and I want to do something about it.

About gratitude ~~  I am a so thankful for music.  It always reaches down and touches me where I need it.  And I am grateful that I do know that I am worth something and that my children know that, too.  Let's go tell all those other kids now.

:: another pic of Ella on Halloween

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Hello Again

I was getting too depressed to write for a while. There was nothing to say or do or think beyond still being pregnant. Now we are doing much better. The baby is so sweet! His skin is impossibly soft and he has the sweetest rosebud lips. The smell of Tucks takes me back to when my other babies were born and I now realize it reminds me of falling in love. The recovery has been going smoothly, mostly because my mom is here to help. She has been doing everything and it has been wonderful to have her here. I don't remember being so tired and sore in the past, but then the first week of all of my children's lives is a blur. I hope that someday we can go back and watch the video of them as babies. It goes much too quickly!

Matthew has left for Iowa for a music festival. All of these things sound great when they are in the distant future, but then when the day arrives you realize how insane it was to plan an event for so soon after the birth of a baby. He has been practicing today, but I don't think he really feels ready. The biggest problem from our point of view here at home is that we only have one car, it is a very little car, and Charles and Ella both have places to be at the same time, I still don't know how we are going to work it, but I have very nice friends whose boys are on Charlie's team so I think it will involve them somehow.