reunited and it feels so good

Hooowhee -- it has been a long time since I've had a chance to write in the ole' blog.  We have been having fun with family!  First my parents came to visit and we had a great time divided pretty evenly between chilling and activity.  We went on walks, visited the Lincoln museum in Springfield (just as good the second time around!), swam, talked, languished in the heat...  Overall it was a wonderful visit and I wish so much that I could see them more often than once a year!  


The afternoon they left was followed by the arrival of 12 members of Matthew's family.  We had a very full house on one of the hottest days of the year and I was terribly worried about whether anyone could possibly get comfortable in our un-air conditoned house.  I think it was okay (crossed fingers).  The next morning we went to a steamy (humid, not sensual) rendition of As You Like It at the Illinois Shakespeare festival and marveled at the cast romping around in full costume and make-up without seeming to break a sweat.  Then lunch and the long trek to Nauvoo for three days.  It was also hot and busy there, but went by too quickly.  I was a little tense hoping everything would run smoothly, but kept telling myself to relax and just enjoy being together.  It was so fun seeing the cousins playing so easily together and I wish so much that we could see them more often than once every who knows how often!  We need to work on that.


So now we are back to just us getting the house back in order and enjoying the cooler weather that none of our guests had the pleasure of experiencing -- it's almost like God doesn't want more people moving to Illinois.

summer lovin'

It has been hot.  How hot is it?  Well, I will tell you.  One day last week I had to change my clothes three times in one afternoon because I had the audacity to vacuum my house.  I know!  I will try to restrain myself in the future.  It is just so humid, and the vacuum is like carting around a personal mini heater/oven, but it must be done on occasion so I gave in and just did it.  I was literally dripping.  Then I took a shower, but trying to use the hair dryer was a complete farce.  My hair got more and more damp until I finally had the good sense to blow the cool air.  It felt nicer, yet didn't do as well with the drying.  My carefully chosen outfits and perfect hair-dos weren't the only casualties -- the walls must have been absorbing quite a bit of moisture as well because the pictures that I so lovingly placed going up my staircase started to simply fall off the walls.  I would hear a crash and run to see yet another frame laying dented and debased in the front hallway with nary a stomping child in sight to blame for the destruction.  Velcro doesn't like humidity apparently.


Do you know what else doesn't like humidity?  Potatoes.  I always forget that.  Growing up in a dry climate, we always left our potatoes in the pantry and since I obviously can't do anything new and innovative, I tend to put mine in the pantry as well.  Besides, for some reason our refrigerator always seems to have excessive amounts of things that more indisputably require coolness -- like yogurt.  Who has room for a hulking bag of potatoes in there for heaven's sake?  Well, when potatoes don't like something they let you know.  And when they let you know it doesn't smell very nice.  And when they don't smell very nice your whole house doesn't smell very nice.  I thought it was just un-air-conditioned funky old house smell so I guess that it is good that there was a tangible reason.  It's been taken care of.  And there are some new diffusers diffusing.  The new smell o' the day is Charles' leftover camping stuff that someone brought over yesterday -- still sopping wet.  He got home Saturday.  Yes, that is an unforgettable scent.


On a more refreshing note, it is a mere 80˚ today and as dry as a... high council speaker.  Sorry I couldn't think of anything more dry.

one of those days

How is everyone's summer going?  Mine is clipping right along, rushing hither and thither, and lo and behold I haven't written a single thing on my calendar.  June is sitting there forlornly, completely blank, like we haven't a single care in the world.  Are we just sitting around doing nothing?  Actually no, but one would think, from the external evidence, that we were doing exactly that.  Usually I can slide through with this kind of organization, remembering things at the last minute, as it were, but yesterday it didn't work out so well.  I rounded up two oldest for a doctor's appointment at 9:00.  In the morning.  Not so early to most, but quite remarkable that we got out on time -- showered, coiffed, scented -- with a 16 and 14 year old in tow.  Also with youngest so running out the door, down the street, through the parking lot, up the stairs, down the hall, through the door, at the receptionist's desk, on the receiving end of blank stare.  Um, I will tell you their names again.  Nothing.  Oh!  Well look at that, the appointment is for tomorrow!  Won't that be nice to do that all again?  (We survived, yay!)  So back home.  Gave the big girl a job to do in the car and she decided that she just had to listen to some tunes while working so turned on the car, left it on, and when I needed to take younger girls somewhere two hours later, car wouldn't start.  Wonderful!  No biggie.  Car jumped and we are off again.  Boy gets a call while we're in the car, drop people here and there, get home again and can't find my phone.  Look all over car, ask husband to call it.  Look all over house.  Get messages on Facebook about how I'm not answering my phone :), keep looking.  Have to take oldest to voice lessons, still frustrated about phone.  Why do I keep losing things?  Wait, I didn't lose it, I simply made the recurring mistake of allowing someone to receive phone calls on it.   Boy used it last.  What would he do with it?  Drop girl off and hear phone vibrating.  Rip car apart and find it, with the ringer turned off (I didn't do that!) under the front passenger seat.  Whew!  There is something that makes me very tense about not having a phone.  Can relax again and no other disasters for the entire rest of the day!


Hope everyone else is faring well!

Assessment

What have I been doing?  I have been assessing, and obsessing about assessing.  First of all, our lawn has grubs and in other places it isn't growing.  It also is growing moss, and why wouldn't it since we apparently live in a swamp?  The rain!  It just keeps coming, and the weeds keep growing, and I have to bring all of the clothes off the line at a moments notice, and the lightning!  The thunder shakes you deep inside followed by the fire engine sirens signaling another run to put out the sparks.  And the humidity!  I cannot ever remember it being quite this bad.  Maybe this no A/C thing isn't such a good idea... no we're fine, it is quite cooling to use the body's mechanism, also known as sweating, and then let the ceiling fans do their magic.  Where was I?  The heat is making me loopy.  Oh, long story short I paid someone to assess my lawn and tell me what I can organically do to get it healthy and thriving again.  They'll get back to me in three weeks.


Secondly, I sent in my picture for a body profiling assessment at Dress Your Truth.  That only took a few days, but in the meantime I was devouring books and information online, searching madly for clues to explain me to me so that I can find my true calling and get on with it already.  After all of that wading I didn't feel like waiting any longer so I tried to cancel that assessment, but they had already finished it.  Ooh, exciting!  What would they say?  I had pretty much decided who I am, so I was prepared to be unimpressed as they told me something different.  The sceptic in me was quite sure that that part would all be hooey, but it was exactly what I had already figured out!  Wow.  So it is all very interesting and I am pretty much obsessed with it at the moment so if anyone wants to talk about it with me I could gladly blather on about it for hours.


The two oldest are at camp for the week so it is quieter and I can't just run out the door without baby any old time I want.  What the...?  (As Miss Ibby would say, so cute every time).  I miss them (and not just for what they can do for me).  And they are having to sleep outside with all these crazy storms roiling around -- yikes!

and the livin' is easy

Summertime, summertime, summer, summer, summertime.  Not much time to blog, blog, blog, but having a delightful time.  Ella went to Youth Conference late last week and it was so different being with only our three youngest.  Such a change in the dynamics and we actually had some time alone in the evening.  On Saturday we fetched big boy from the airport and had a full report on the BYU basketball camp -- definitely a great program and a hit with our guy.  He talked the whole way home with a full report on everything from hiking with his lovely cousin up Rock Canyon on a drizzly afternoon, to the amazing-ness of cookie dough milk (?) from the creamery, to the fact that his team won the whole tournament.  It has been incredibly rainy and humid in these parts (muggy, muggy, good for the skin; muggy, muggy, GREAT for the skin -- my new mantra) and the weeds are commanding quite a bit of my attention.  The garden is coming along and some fresh picked chard accompanied my poached eggs for breakfast this morning.


Also, Charles started an online math class (because he is utterly and completely mortified to be in Algebra 1 as a freshman, which is totally my fault since I homeschooled him in 6th grade, not realizing that that was THE definitive year in which the die of the rest of his life would be cast, but now do realize after receiving his schedule a few weeks ago for his entire high school career (?), which he handed over very reluctantly along with some comment about how he hadn't shown it to us earlier because he didn't want to hear about how he'd be living in our basement as an adult, and how the schedule was cast in stone and there was nothing we could do about his loser future, but after making some calls found that he can indeed catch up in math, which is his best subject, and therefore also be in the honors science class and more than likely someday get into college and having a run-on sentence like this is completely acceptable since I framed it in parentheses...) so he will be on the computer for about six (!) hours a day and I won't be seeing much of my beloved and ridiculously large computer screen.  Do you think I should go get myself a laptop?


Along with not writing, has been a lot of not reading blogs which makes me sad.  I always find so many interesting things to read!  I was recently reading how my newfound blogging friend Jen made her own deodorant -- that is something I need to try -- to go along with my baking soda hair.  I haven't used antiperspirant for years, since I first read about the harmful effects, and have had various levels of luck with different brands of more natural deodorant.  As my children have gotten older and deodorant is required in their P.E. class, I especially didn't want them rubbing aluminum directly into their lymph nodes.  My 14 year old son does not approve, in any way, of my no aluminum rule and overcompensates by using an inordinate amount of body spray -- one can even smell it outside as it wafts out of the fan vent into the yard.  What is in that stuff?  It can't be good.  I wonder how frankincense would go over with him as a natural alternative?

in memoriam

It has been hot.  I've had a cold.  We've been deep cleaning.  I had to give a talk in church on Sunday (Matthew said he protected me as long as he could).  I never get a chance to sit down at the computer and write in the ole blog or read my favorites.

I hope that everyone had a Happy Memorial Day.  We always try to do something memorial-y and this year my friend was tour guiding at an old cemetery nearby.

Isn't she cute? So we decided to go over there on Sunday after church with friends and had a wonderful time. We first had a little walking tour with someone else from church and he showed us the old storage space where they would keep bodies until they could be buried -- wouldn't want to get locked in there, spooky! We learned the difference between a crypt and a mausoleum and about the different types of headstones and memorials. They then gave us some candies and water while we waited for the trolley. What a completely harmless and kind thing to do.   Phin ate one -- I said one, little, tiny, insignificant -- tootsie roll and was covered from head to toe with chocolatey stickiness.  Someone came by and asked if he had had a chocolate ice cream cone.  No, a mere tootsie roll caused this much damage.  I've washed his shirt three times now and it is still stained, but it kept him happy and that is all that matters in life, right?  Next we were given a ride on this tractor pulled trolley and would stop at various spots to talk about the interesting life of a Bloomington son or daughter.  All of the stories were so fascinating -- circus performers and opera singers, politicians and quack doctors, midwives and mothers.  I love to think about people's stories and how a whole life can be wrapped up into a tight little package of a paragraph.  What would be our talking points?  I also like living in an old house because there is life soaked into the walls (not literally, of course, ew!) and other people's memories swirling around.  I can sense that nothing too horrible has happened in our house because it has such a serene spirit.  Matthew and I could feel it when we first saw the house.  Hey, that is seven years ago this week!  Wow.  We saw thirty or more houses on a Monday.  Went back to see some on Tuesday, and bought our first house on Wednesday.  When we initially walked in we were phantasmed by the shiny floors and completely charmed with the second staircase and unique nooks.  Matthew was amazed that the distinctive front and back doorknobs were the same ones that were on his childhood home in Fresno, California.  I sat down on the bottom step and for the first time felt like I was home.  I felt the spirit of happy families and pleasant busy-ness and still feel it as we've added our own stamp to it.  I used to always be scared at night, but have never felt that way here.  We even decided to ignore the fact that there was only one bathroom and not enough bedrooms.  That is true love.

Okay, back to the present and the cemetery drenched in past.  All of the kids seemed to like it, even the surly teenage boys who wandered off before we embarked on the trolley, found their own fun in spying on us, hiding behind large markers, with only their telltale gangly athletic shoes poking out.  Every once in a while we'd also catch a peek of their mischievous smirks.  Then we started the macabre subject of what do they do when the cemetery is full because those dead people aren't going anywhere and Ella told us that in Europe they dig up the bodies after a while so there is room for more.  I don't know if that is true, but just cremate me please.

On Monday we hung out with the same friends who were kind enough to take us to State Farm pool.  It was delightful, of course, but then my dear Ella left her brand new, only worn once, totally splurged upon, no longer available, J. Crew swimsuit in the shower -- never to be seen again!  The lady at the lost and found asked, "Was it nice?"  As if that could excuse and explain why someone STOLE it.  We are praying that they will be so consumed with guilt that they will eventually return it to the office and we will be reunited with it once again.  Another lesson in not paying too dear for anything.

wilting

It is amazing, but I did actually get what I wanted and never thought I would really get: all day yesterday it was blazing hot, sunny, and windy -- a perfect clothes drying day; then in the evening the thunder rolled and the rain poured -- just the thing my garden needed after such an exhausting day.  And I thought I was praying for the impossible.  Thank you!

I don't know if I can handle this heat.  I wasn't quite ready for it and we can't just run to the swimming pool to cool off.  It was quite chilly just on Friday!  Our upstairs was so hot last night even with all the fans going.   Is it really like that all summer?  It is always so funny how we forget the seasonal sensations.  In the hot, hot summer one cannot imagine cool wind actually blowing from the sky and in the frigid winters one can't imagine walking around the house without sweaters and wool socks -- and going outside and feeling warm?  Inconceivable!  For the most part we are completely fine without an air conditioner, but I think that has a lot to do with our blood thinning out and our bodies adjusting to the temperature.  We simply haven't had time yet.  Does that really happen?  I'll have to look that up.  In the meantime, we may just have to move to our summer home -- in the basement.  It stays nice and cool all season long.

We did spend yesterday evening in the depths of our house -- watching the finale of Lost.  Is that an inappropriate activity for Family Home Evening? (Don't worry everyone -- the little ones were just bopping around playing legos and not watching at all). We went out and planted flowers around the communal lamp post as service first, and then made it into a real event with me actually allowing them to eat snacks in the family room.  Ella wanted to get Dharma initiative t-shirts for everyone and scatter palm trees around, but I thought letting them eat chips was going quite far enough, thank you very much indeed.

what do I really want?

Sometimes it is difficult for me to translate my inner cues.  I start longing for things, but am unable to interpret what those things exactly are.  A hunger for doing something creative or "useful" is read as plain old hunger: a desire to write something brilliant translates into a hankering for pad thai; the aspiration to paint something beautiful is seen as a craving for that amazing burrito from the great Mexican place down the street...  Of course, it isn't always food (although the music on my yoga dvds always leaves me with an appetite for some naan and saag paneer -- why don't I have that dancers body I wonder), I often have to run to Goodwill or Target when I'm feeling particularly restless and a good weekend of garage sa(i)ling sometimes keeps the monsters at bay.  Do people who know what they want and are actually doing it content?  Or is contentment stagnation?  If we are growing, learning, wanting, searching, are we actually getting more satisfaction without realizing it?  I understand that not everyone thinks the way I do, but I am baffled by people who say they are completely fine with where they are and what they're doing (and perhaps a little envious, too).

These feelings all come to a head at transformative times like the New Year, springtime, school ending -- like now!  I always have lists and lists of things I put off and think I will have much more time to do them during the lazy days of summer -- finally painting the back door, deep cleaning the corners, reupholstering the dining room chairs, learning a new language, practicing the piano, putting down on paper the abstract ideas in my head.  However, every year when summer arrives I realize that realistically I probably won't get a single thing done until the kids are all back at school again in the fall.  Everyone being home is more chaos and romping, the yardwork and housework boil over, and we have to get our money's worth out of that pool pass!

I am happy.  I am thankful for my blessings, love my family, glad I have work and ability -- just pining for something and thought I would have figured out what it was by now...

this?

or this?

Some Photos of our Summer Adventures

We hit Mesa Verde on the way home ~~ totally worth the detour! Notice Ella and Charlie's puffy cheeks from getting wisdom teeth out in CA. No pictures of that ~~ too busy watching movies with them.
::everyone had fun
::these were doorways not windows
::Charles carried baby the whole way
::crawling out from under a rock
::the requisite holding up the cliff shot

more summer

We went to the Nauvoo pageant and saw our friends the Stouts, Ramsays, and Tharps. So fun!

::dancing the Highland fling


A fun stop at the Mormon Trail Museum in Florence, Nebraska. What a nice museum!
::rolling down hills

::The temple


::a rest stop somewhere on I-80 ~~ our favorite!

We're Back!

Whew! That seemed like we were gone for a long time, but spending 68 hours in the car can do that. That is 68 hours of driving, not including stops, and we all still love each other. I will recap quickly. The first day we drove to Omaha and stopped at the Mormon Trail Visitors Center in Florence. What a great museum! A sister missionary gave us a tour and then we strolled through the cemetery and rolled down the hills at the temple. We then drove on and spent the night in Lincoln. Next day we drove to Denver to stay with Zach and Stacie. I called about an hour out to ask for directions to their house and discovered that they were expecting us the following week -- Oops! At least they didn't have to stress about our visit for more than 50 minutes. We had a really nice visit -- thanks! Next day a grueling journey over the mountains passes of Colorado with hail, hydroplaning, and vehicles sliding off the roads. Wasn't it July? We made it to Provo with an hour to spare before the family reunion dinner and loved seeing everyone there. Utah visits are always a little crazy and this was a shorter stop over than usual, but we tried to fit it all in and still relax a little. We went hiking, swimming, slept at the cabin, played games, went to Lagoon, shopping, out to eat at favorites, went to the temple... all in all successful. Then off to California stopping in Las Vegas for lunch (please remind me not to ever do that again). One day at the beach and then two oldest in surgery for wisdom teeth and more. Grandma took great care of everyone and is a marvelous smoothie maker. Then resting, a little sightseeing, temple attending then off again. On the way home a Grand Canyon drive by, some hikes at Mesa Verde, a beautiful drive though southern Colorado, Kansas (pretty clouds?), a lovely stop at Liberty Jail in Missouri, getting the stomach flu, pulling in at 3:00 a.m., trying to recover, get the kids to school, and watch as more people catch the stomach bug and drop one by one. I need a vacation from the vacation!

On the trip I noticed that I have fallen victim to some evolutionary quirk that makes nursing mothers squeamish. I think that it is so that you won't take unnecessary risks while you are primarily responsible for someone's life. I don't know, it is just a theory, but I am scared of everything! I am scared of heights on our hikes, and roller coasters at the amusement park, and water slides at the swimming pool, and waves at the beach, and steep mountain roads. Normally I am game for anything, so I am hoping that this will pass. My 75 year old mother had to go down the water slide first and tell me how fun it was -- I had even walked all the way backward through the line once I saw how high we were at the top -- lame!!! But then I did go down and it was fun once my heart stopped trying to beat right out of my chest. At the beach the kids were urging me to go out deeper, but I just couldn't for a while. Every thing my toes touched, every drop in the sand, made my stomach lurch. Each coming wave nearly sent me over the edge, but when I safely came down the other side enough times I finally got in the rhythm and had a great time. And then of course I start fantasizing about just tossing my life plans to the wind and becoming a surfer. I just love the sounds out there -- the rush of water as a wave approaches and then the hush as it passes. And it is beautiful with water all around -- enough frothy white bubbles to literally hold you aloft and push you to the shore, the closest I have ever felt to flying, and in the next moment so still and clear that you can see the ocean floor several feet down. Mmmm. Well, back in Illinois now.

School started yesterday. Summer was much, much too short. First grade girl wasn't too excited to go back to school and kept having to bite her lip to keep from crying as I dropped her off. I told her I would wait until the teacher took them to their classes, but I couldn't look at her. Every glance nearly did me in. Everyone seems happy with their teachers. Just me and the babe at home again. This seems even more problematic than last year when he was just five months old and sleeping a lot. Now he is big and is used to having everyone play with him all day (I'm used to them playing with him all day) so I am going to have to get creative. I just read him a book and he insisted on putting his foot on every image. Yep.

Questions

1. Why haven't I been blogging?  Well, the answer to that is that I cannot think a thought so how could I possibly construct a coherent sentence?  It is beyond lovely to have everyone home, but there are often multiple people talking at once and many diverse activities to attend.  In other words, I have lost my mind somewhere along the way.  For example, Ella needs a memory card for her camera and Sam's Club has the best price.  I scheduled a visit into my afternoon, but when I found myself there I had no idea why.  I asked Ella if she remembered why we needed to go to Sam's and she said, "I don't know.  Cheese?"  It is true, they have the best cheese in town so we picked some up along with some cherries, edamame, and the good bread I can only find there.  Amazingly enough we walked out of there having spent less than $50, but it wasn't until 12 hours later I realized we had completely forgotten the whole purpose of the trip and no, this was not an isolated incident.  It regularly occurs even in the safety of my own home, "Why am I upstairs?"
2. Why do people tell me how to parent?  Last week I drove girls to Peoria for Girls Camp.  It is always fun for me and on the way home I stopped at the big Goodwill there.  Baby was being patient, but after a while I let him get out of the cart to walk around a bit.  First he stopped and looked at a bike with me a foot away looking at shoes.  Lady says, "You shouldn't let your baby touch that bike, it could fall on him."  Does it look like I'm not watching him?  I am right here.  Two minutes later another lady, "Your baby doesn't have shoes on and might step on something, he has to stay in the cart."  He did have shoes on, but he never leaves them on and I guess we will just leave now, but while it is taking them a very long time to carefully wrap up my deliciously turquoise platters (yea!) I hand him a little toy to keep him from screaming since he is no longer allowed to walk around and am promptly told that it has very small parts on which he could choke.  You know what?  I am going to choke if everyone doesn't just leave me alone, okay?  After the stress of Goodwill I stop to grab some fast food for lunch and decide to get a soda with caffeine so I won't get sleepy on the drive home.  I sit down at the table and a man (two tables away) notices me wrestling with the baby trying to divert him from my drink and entice him with water.  The man shouts across several people, "Your baby wants some of your pop.  You should just give him some."  "I know he wants some, but it has caffeine, so no."  I reply with a smile.  "A little caffeine won't hurt him.  Give him a little."  "Well, I don't really think so... thanks."  "Then you should give him root beer.  It doesn't have caffeine."  "It is Barq's and it does have caffeine and he doesn't need soda anyway."  "Oh, no it doesn't have caffeine.  I am not supposed to have caffeine and I drink it all the time."  Well, you shouldn't be.   Oh my goodness, will you just leave me alone already?  I eventually just got up and went to eat in my car in peace.
3. Why do they even make 1-ply toilet paper?  I try to be vigilant, but about once or twice a year I drop my guard.  Need I say more?

My Skinny on Skin

This evening Dad and big boy went to help someone move (I know, on Monday ~ sinful) so I took the rest of us to the swimming pool.  It was so lovely there.  There were only two other families so we essentially had all that space to ourselves.   Baby soon found a fountain to capture his attention and was happy to stay put for the duration of our stay.  I sat right behind him and started to observe his skin.  Have you seen baby skin lately?  His is translucent with a back that is still like velvet.  I began to contemplate about how all skin is pretty amazing.  I saw his skin mottle as it regulated his temperature and when he splashed he was covered with hundreds of tiny beads.  Upon landing, the drops stayed there on his water repellent shoulders instead of soaking in.  How wonderful that we don't get all soggy when we swim and bathe.  Another thing I have often marveled over with the children is that their owies never stay for long ~ our skin gets right to work healing and repairing itself.  And aren't we glad that it grows with us as we get bigger?  But even nicer if it would hold in the extra weight!  It is astounding that something as insignificant as its color ~ which doesn't effect functionality as far as I know ~ has created such chaos in the world.  I remember my first childhood encounter with Native American history and slavery and being ashamed of my skin.  I am grateful for the things that I learned at home and church that taught me that everyone is the same inside.  It never occurred to me to not like someone because of their skin.  I must admit, however, that I am sometimes culturally prejudiced.  Just tonight I ran into some very interesting people at the grocery store.  They weren't a different race than me, but I am fairly sure they were from a different PLANET.  I need to remember that they are children of God and that we are all just trying to do our best, living in our own skin.