the mystery of the malodorous bedchamber

It was a night much like other nights, in which I had gotten up multiple times to use the loo. Every time I returned to my bedroom I was hit by a horrible stench.  After a moment, it would lose its potency, but every time I left and returned I would notice it again.  I thought it must be something in the laundry basket since children as a whole can be a smelly bunch, so first thing in the morning I removed the whole thing... but the smell was still there.  I began to investigate and finally moved a bag of clothes behind my door and found a wet diaper (Phin still wears one at night, no it wasn't that old) which hadn't quite made it to the trash bin.  Aha!  That must be it.  It couldn't have been there very long, but it has been rather warm, so that explains the smell.  I quickly took it downstairs, but when I next was in my room... the smell was still there.  I scrubbed and scrubbed the floor where I had found the  offending item, then I sprayed the whole room down with air freshener.  That would help for a bit, but after a time it was obvious that... the smell was still there.  Every day for three days I would try something new, but nothing was working, I even lifted up the recliner as best as I could alone, but only found some stray legos.  Could one little diaper do so much damage that even the very walls had absorbed the stink?  On Saturday we decided to take the room apart little by little.  I would sweep the dust bunnies away while Matthew scrubbed the floors and walls with something stronger... but the smell was still there. I looked around and couldn't see what could possibly be so fragrant.  My room really isn't that full of stuff so it just didn't make sense.  Last thing, Matthew took off our mattress and box springs and we were both pleasantly surprised by how clean under our bed was.  I washed all of the bedding, even the bedskirt, and we sprayed down every inch of the room with febreze.  Even with all of those masking chemicals it truly seemed like the smell was getting worse and not better.  Charles came in to help Matthew put the bed back together, first the box springs and then the mattress which had been propped against the wall.  It started to slide forward pulling the carpet out from under the recliner with it.  "AAAAAACK!"  I shrieked, "There's a dead mouse over there!"  And so there was.  It had been under the carpet, under the recliner, and we had probably walked over (and ON) it many a time in our quest to solve the mystery.  Ewww!  Ella said that our cat must really consider us her masters since she brought the mouse to us, to which my husband replied, "If it is really my cat, then that means I can just get rid of her."  I am sure that she offered it to us as a devoted oblation, but no thank you very much.  Matthew swept it up and took it out and just like that -- poof!  The smell had vanished.  All day yesterday we kept talking about how lovely our room smells now, but it still makes me want to move to a different house a little bit.


There!  Isn't that gross?

that's what I love about sundays

Sundays have gotten to be very long days in so many ways.  I had to be at church two hours early for ward council in which we were talking about activities to encourage unity.  The elders quorum president then told about how right after the boundaries changed there was a game night and he realized that Matthew and I weren't  that weird after all and that since then we have gotten together a few times even though there is a generation gap.  I gasped and exclaimed, "You just called me weird and old in one single sentence!"  Generation gap?  He is like eight years younger than me!  Oh my.  I guess I am getting old.  When I told Matthew about it he said it probably just seems that way to him since we have kids that are a lot older.  Okay, fine.


The comments kept coming, but the pregnancy remarks I am much more used to than the age ones.  Here are some things that were said to me just yesterday, in order of appearance:


"Hi there, skinny!"  (from an 80 year old man)
"Are you having a baby or did you just swallow a watermelon seed?"  (yes, Syndy, the same guy)
"Are you in labor?  You look really close."
"Are you having triplets?"
"Do you need someone to bring you dinner?  You look SO uncomfortable!  I mean, really, I have NEVER seen anyone look as uncomfortable as you do right now."


Listen people, I still have seven weeks to go until my due date, and probably closer to nine weeks to go until the baby decides to make its appearance.  Things hadn't gotten this bad with my last pregnancy until I actually had the gall to attend church for the two weeks after my due date.  I try to still look cute and be friendly and didn't realize I was emanating pure and unadulterated misery, but I really am not going to be able to handle attending church if people can't just shut their trap!  Matthew suggests that I just take Sunday bed rest for the duration.  Not a bad idea at all.


One other funny thing that happened at church was that someone came up to me and asked if I had signed the paper she had put in my box.  "What box?"  I asked innocently.  Apparently I have a cubby in the clerk's office and have had no idea for over six months.  She showed me where it was and there were all sorts of goodies -- some quite out of date.  I am truly lame.


Oh, and I would just like to say "You're welcome," to everyone for being the cause of the temperature dipping to a mild and lovely 75˚.  All it took was for us to invest quite a chunk of money in some air conditioners and the weather complied almost immediately.  Happy to do it.

it's too d**n hot

Don't judge me!  It really is!  And the worst time is at night when part of my body can be cooled by the ceiling fan, but the other side is cooking on the bed.  I roll over, drenched on one side, my hair sticking to my neck, and feeling an awful lot like a dirty dishrag.  I wasn't too worried about the summer because we have always been fine as long as we stay near a fan, but I am beginning to suspect that people were right about pregnancy being different (it also isn't supposed to be 100˚ the first week in June, is it?).  I was just reading something last week about how our bodies are the baby's only cooling system.  Yes, normally I'm not much of a perspirer.  I was also reading about how baby's head being down, which what's-his-name's is, send all of the blood flowing there and is so good for the rapid brain development which is going on right now.  I am continually amazed by how intricate and well thought out the whole process is -- awesome!  


So back to my complaining.  It is incredibly hot and ridiculously humid so we went out yesterday to buy some window AC units.  I have rebelled against getting something in the past, not because I enjoy being smug and self-righteous like with cloth diapers, but because we really are okay and I think it is better for our bodies to adjust to the temperature.  Plus it must be saving us money which is always something I enjoy.  But this summer it really is time.  No one is sleeping well.  The last two mornings Phin has woken up in the wee hours and crawled into our bed, draping his hot little body across my stomach -- uncomfortable in so many ways!   Matthew was such a good husband and researched the best brands to buy on Consumer Reports.  We bought two little ones for upstairs and one larger one for the main floor.  We got home all giddy thinking about how delicious the cool air would be, feeling calm by the assurance of the salesman that they would be easy to install, but on opening the box reading, " blah, blah, blah, support the unit, blah, blah, blah, drill, blah, blah."  It wasn't long before we realized that we needed to call in reinforcements since we are bound to do something wrong by ourselves.  Our go-to guy didn't answer the phone, but we're crossing our fingers for something to happen before another wretched night is upon us.  Not that I want to wish away the summer.  I don't at all.  At yoga our teacher was talking about how we should try to enjoy, or at least be present, in every moment.  Don't do a pose and think how you can't wait for it to be over.  I started thinking about how I do that a lot, especially wanting the baby to just be here, so I am trying to savor and soak things up a bit more.  Instead of moaning when the baby kicks me in the ribs, I like to play name that body part, and instead of mentioning the my kids might want to leave me alone (like I just did so I could finish this post) I am really trying to stop everything and just hang out with them.  Even in discomfort, it really is nice to be aware of how alive we are!


We had a very nice weekend.  On Saturday we went over to Nauvoo for my friend's daughter's wedding.  It was all so lovely -- I love temple sealings.  It was very hot, however, and when we did a session in the afternoon I had to roll down my socks, put my dress at my knees, fan myself with the name card, try not to get too sleepy (we did leave our house at 5:30), and not think how I couldn't wait for it to be over (a common theme). Then on Sunday we baptized our Isabela Phoebe.  

It was a very thrown together at the last minute affair, but fortunately my friends are facebook addicts and saw the announcement, my daughters were willing (after some strong encouragement) to give talks, another friend shared a baptismal program, and the grocery store had some pretty good cookies so it all worked out.


Yesterday all the kids got haircuts (because it is too darn hot!) and Lucy had enough to donate to Locks of Love again.

Four locks!  No wonder that was a bear to brush through!  Now we're off to swimming lessons and whatever else the day brings.

may I please take a break from may?

I really do like having a blog, but I certainly neglect it sometimes.  And I used to think of all kinds of clever things to write, but right at the moment my brain is mushy.  We have also been very busy as usual.  There seems to be 20 things going on every day.  So far this month I had:

1.  a party to sell Norwex (I don't like doing parties like that, but the products are amazing so I did one so I could get a discount on some things I wanted to buy, but the reason I don't like doing them is because people don't like coming to them and so there weren't very many people there, but the people who did come were utterly lovely in every way and we had yummy food, too)
2. the school carnival (I tried to be helpful)
3. my 8th annual Mother's Day Tea (which I always stress about, but always turns out so nice, but no pictures) 
4. Ibby's birthday party (I tried to keep it non-stressful and then it totally was for some reason.  I actually know the reason, it was the silly person who works at the bead place who didn't explain to the girls that some of the beads cost .10¢ and some of them cost $13 so after they picked stuff out I was running around wildly trying to get them to trade some of them out so that each bracelet didn't cost $120.  I tried to ask her beforehand to tell the kids where they could pick from "Oh, just anywhere" was her reply, erg.  She did apologize later when she saw the chaos and mayhem, but I was just too tired to be very forgiving)
5. the dance recital (which just wouldn't be complete without skanky costumes and really deserves its own post because it was crazy and we kept showing up without everything we needed, like dance shoes, and I was afraid that people are going to think our house looks like a house from Hoarders, but it really doesn't, and they would call over the loud speaker "Would Lucy and Ibby's mom please bring down _____" and I was embarrassed to be me, but the girls said they weren't embarrassed that I was their mother so that was good)
6. Lucy's orchestra concert
7. Ella's choir concert
8. Charles had several track meets (I am a very devoted mother and watched the only two of his races that I saw from the street in my car -- he ran a mile in 4 minutes and 52 seconds!)
9. school field day (once again I tried to be helpful, but Phin kept needing to go potty and it wasn't close to our station, but I was working with a woman who said she had two kids -- Carson and Charlie -- who I assumed were boys, but then when they came over were both girls!  Karsyn is spelled differently than I thought, but really what are people thinking?  There are so many beautiful girls names in the world, stop taking the boy ones!!!)
10. recovering my dining room chairs (which would take most people about an hour, but seems to be taking me two years)
11. various and sundry church events (which for some unknown reason I even have some responsibility for!)
12. planting the garden (people think I'm crazy for putting one in this summer since I'm large and cumbersome, but I think I'm going to want fresh tomatoes and cucumbers more than ever)
13. and then of course there are all the garage sales from which I just can't stay away...  I have had great luck with finding great deals on baby boy stuff so I don't really need any more baby things except for: a new stroller (sit and stand), some new diapers in fruity colors, some muslin baby blankets, a new camera, a laptop, and a car that seats eight.  Not much.

Some pictures from last summer that I just found on my camera
::fourth of july street parade

 ::grandparents visit

:: pure craziness

 ::tired boy

 Now some more recent ones
::school carnival face paint

 ::birthday party

 ::dance recital -- aren't they cute?

 ::they're almost the same size!

the name game

More cute Phin stories:  This morning he slept in for the first time in ages and when he did wake up he yelled, "Hooray!"  Sometimes it is just nice to be alive.  He also ran in from the bathroom the other day and told me that his bumbum was singing a song.  So funny.  On Friday I had to run to Sam's Club so he wanted a hot dog and I got a slice of pizza.  When he saw my pizza he wanted some so I said, "Do you want to share with Mommy?"  "No," he said, "I want mommy to share with Phin."  I wasn't getting any hot dog, thank you very much.  It is great when kids start talking more and you can hear what they really think about everything.  He also tells everyone he's "O" (complete with thumb and index finger forming a circle) if they ask how old he is and will go to great lengths to correct me if I happen to mention that he's 3.  


Last week I drove past Charles' school and he happened to be out on the field for P.E.  I waved and one of his friends announced to everyone that I was pregnant.  Charles then told them that we were going to name the baby Oscar (his current favorite since they just watched Schindler's List at school) and they all asked him if his baby brother was going to be Mexican.  Did you all know that that name was now exclusively latino?  I didn't.  At any rate the naming is not going well.  I have never had such a hard time!  I think we have usually narrowed things down more a bit by now.  It can't be too common or popular, no surnames or place names, nothing made up or too outlandish, and of course, nothing too easy to make fun of.

• Oscar: too hispanic (apparently), not to mention the grouch and wiener associations
• Felix: with Phoebe (Ibby's middle name which she may choose to go by someday) and Phin, too many F sounds -- how about Phoelix?  Also Ella thinks it sounds like a male stripper (I don't know where she acquired the expertise on this topic, but I'm sure that if pressed we could come up with some better ones -- Buck?)
• Casper: Matthew's favorite, but would require legally changing Phin's middle name.  I don't approve.
• Lorenzo: too Italian; Mormons like it, but with anyone else we are met with blank stares
• Archie: too harsh when yelled -- you should try it.  Yell Archie and then yell something softer, like Phin.  I'll wait...  Do you see what I mean?  I yell a lot.  I could try to make it more sing-songy, but you never know what his future wife might do.
• Oliver: getting too common
• Atticus, Silas, Wallace: ends with -us sound so too close to Phineas
• Ira: too Jewish
• Horatio, Sebastian: pretty long with no good nicknames
• Nigel, Clive, Alistair: too British
• Bertram, Clarence, Percival: too nerdy -- I like them, but he could be scrawny and smart so we'd better be nice

Then there are names that I like the female version of, but not the male version.  For example, Clement which is lovely as Clementine, but just not that great for a boy.  I think Clem is a really cute nickname.  Sometimes when my mind wanders I think of things like Pelican, Hyperbole, or Tortilla.  Granted, these all sound fantastic with Smith... note: don't let mind wander.  Perhaps I'm over thinking this and should just go with my mom's suggestion of naming him after her brother, father, and grandfather: John Smith.  It's a classic. 

my mind = steel trap sieve

It's been another red letter day so far!  It started with missing Charles' orthodontist appointment at 7:30 this morning (we miss approximately 3 out of 5 -- I wrote it down, they e-mailed me) and has proceeded to about an hour ago when I realized that I bought tickets to see Peter Pan in Chicago on the same day that my good friend's daughter is getting married.  I also recently scheduled a get together with an embarrassingly large number of people and then remembered I was busy that night and missed my visiting teachers a couple of days ago for the second month in a row.  It's not like they didn't call ahead.  What is my freaking problem?  I did manage to do my own visiting teaching this morning, but that is probably only because I made the appointment yesterday.  It is as if in my perfect world everything would be spontaneous:  a "walk-in's welcome" orthodontist office, oh your daughter is getting married this afternoon -- I'll be there, a stake leadership meeting in two hours -- surprise!!!  I suppose I can see some of the problems in that plan for most people, but it would be ideal for me.  And of course, I am always left with the horribly sinking feeling of what am I forgetting that I never do remember?  Alzheimer's is going to be hard for me.  I also just broke a glass and had to pick it up piece by eensy weensy piece since it had had water in it.


I'm not all bad -- I did end up vacuuming the entire house yesterday, made dinner, went to yoga and walking this morning...  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

raiment lament

Phin has been so completely cute lately.  He was a bit grumpy while he was sick, but he still tries to be as pleasant as possible.  Just now I could see that his pants were a little damp so I asked him if he was wet.  He quickly said, "No.  Bye!"  And ran upstairs to change his clothes.  And last night before bed he didn't want a regular kiss, or even the "bisous" that we like to do, he wanted me to kiss his fist and he called it a "kiss bump."  Can you stand it?  I'm probably beginning the mourning process of him not being my youngest anymore.  I know the day the baby comes home he will seem like he has gained 50 pounds -- and gotten 50 times more smelly overnight.  And it's always hard for me to imagine loving the new baby as much as my other kids, but then all those great hormones come along and falling in love is easy.


I've reconciled myself to having another boy.  It isn't as if I don't like boys, because I do, it really has more to do with those baby girl clothes!  And I liked the name I had picked out.  But probably more with the sweet, pink, soft, floral beauties that I'll have to pass by.  I walk into a store and listlessly sift through the requisite navy, striped t-shirts and then I turn and -- be still my heart -- there are five million adorable things stuffed into the other side of the store.  It will probably save me money in the long run, except that to make myself feel better I have been buying some baby boy things that were a tad more pricey just to achieve a slightly greater level of adorability.  You do what you have to do.  And my maternity clothes are already getting too tight.  I'm enormous!  Anyone have some mumus I can borrow for the summer?


Still haven't honed in on any particular boy name... (or written my talk for Sunday, or vacuumed the house for a couple of weeks, or made the appetizer for RS tonight, or showered).