Monday, December 28, 2009

today is the day

The day has finally arrived and the future is pregnant with possibilities.  Except that rather than feeling hopeful I have been walking around the last few weeks feeling as if I am falling off of a precipice complete with stomach in throat.  That feeling can be thrilling at first, but I have long since passed the excitement phase and have reached full blown panic.  On a roller coaster, one can release this kind of tension by screaming, but I can't very well go around screaming all the time because that would be weird.  I am worried about really being ready when it is time to go.  I am worried about forgetting something important (like passports).  I am worried about getting to the airport on time because of snow covered roads and the bus being off schedule.  I am worried about not really having a ticket because it was all electronic and there is nothing official in hand and we were somehow scammed.  I am worried about checking in because even though we have weighed and reweighed everything, we still might be reprimanded for the sheer volume.  I am worried that getting through security will be a Nightmare (note the capital N) because Matthew has his equipment scattered throughout everyone's carry-on bags and they are going to wonder what all those wires are and want to take everything out and we are going to have to take our shoes off and baby out of the stroller and he is going to run away and someone is going to steal our computers and why did someone have to try to blow up a plane this week of all weeks?  I am worried about waiting to get on the plane and then boarding and having everyone look at us and all of our kids with displeasure.  I am worried about being on a plane for nine hours and no one sleeping and the things I packed to do on the plane being interesting for about five minutes and baby screaming by 1:00 a.m. when he hasn't been sleeping.  I am worried about getting up to get a drink and just falling from the sky (that has been a recurring image as I try to go to sleep every  night -- no plane crash, just me).  I am worried about arriving in Belgium and going through customs and making our connecting flight.  I am worried about getting to France and not speaking French and people being rude to us (gasp!).  I am worried about the logistics of picking up our car.  I am worried that all of our luggage won't fit in our car and we won't be able to figure out what to do in our sleep deprived state.  I am worried that we are going to get lost which isn't fun when one is cranky.  I am worried that it will be gray, rainy, and dark the whole time we are there.  I am worried about living in less than half the space we are used to and doing home school in a pleasant way whilst also being quiet enough for Matthew to work.  I am worried about people not getting along (i.e. me being irritated, C teasing, E being impatient, L talking too much, I crying too much, P being too needy and not having a crib or a high chair or any other restraining devices).  I am worried about shopping and cooking and finding a good park.  I am worried that since I haven't planned every little detail of our trip that we will waste time and not get everything out of our trip that we could.  I am worried that since I haven't planned every little detail of our trip that we will try to do too much and get worn out and not get everything out of our trip that we could.  I am worried about one of us getting really sick or hurt while we are there which would just be so inconvenient.  I am worried about eating too much bread and chocolate and gaining weight (that is on top of the seven pounds that I have gained in the last few weeks just trying to keep the hysteria monsters at bay, which works for a moment, but soon the stomach is creeping up the esophagus).  I am worried that Phin has left an open banana behind a couch somewhere and the girl living here is going to be disgusted.  And I am sure there are many more things that I haven't even considered.  In short ~~ AAAAAAAAAAAGH!  I think that I need to throw up and then hope that my next step isn't in to midair.

I will see you all on the other side!


Rebecca R. Farnsworth said...

Oh dear! For some reason, I thought that you all wouldn't be leaving until later this week! Did your gift arrive? I hope it did. I think I still mailed it within plenty of time, but who knows how long these things take during December, really?

Stacey said...

Mary!!! I am so sad I didn't get to tell you "goodbye" and that I will miss you for these next 3 months!! What an experience!! Also, all the things you are paranoid about brought back so many memories..especially forgetting passports, weighing and reweighing our luggage, fitting luggage into the car/van etc... You WILL run into rude French people and when they are pretending they can't speak English, they really can. I love you-have an amazing adventure and make sure you do LOTS of blogging with lots of photos!!!

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