Tuesday, January 18, 2011

the circle of life

My oh my!  Things just seem so crazy lately and I also tend to "lose time" since I often find myself sitting in a chair staring off in to space -- how did I get here?  And how long have I been here?  Perhaps I should move.  The two major things that happened last week were that I had my first doctor's appointment and my first funeral.  I will start with the latter.

While we were in D.C. I received a phone call that a woman in our ward had cancer and not long to live.  They hadn't told anyone that she was sick so everyone was surprised and she only lived less than three more weeks.  I would have preferred having the first funeral I was kind in charge of being someone I didn't know very well because I felt not only very overwhelmed last week, but very emotional.  She was a wonderful woman who I had known ever since we moved here over seven years ago -- very smart and insightful, so pretty and graceful, very proper and dignified, and very private so of course she didn't want anyone seeing her as she became more sick.  My husband and I did a special dance with twelve other couples for a stake ball in November, I don't think I blogged about it, but it was a really fun experience and also funny when, as I was newly pregnant, my dress took about 20 minutes to zip up and I began to panic that I would be dancing with my underwear showing and also laughing at myself because when I had first bought the dress my "ever optimistic about my future weight loss" self had thought it would be too loose by the time of the dance... I am very good at digressing... anyhow, it was she and her husband who choreographed, taught, and led the dance.  He taught dance at ISU for years and they first met when he was directing BYU folk dancers and she was one of the dancers.  I am so grateful that we had that extra time to get to know each other better and I felt more equipped to offer some comfort to her husband because of that.  One of my favorite chats that I had with her was after we got back from France last year and she was dishing to me about how fashionable the french are and how when she would go on tour and had to travel very light she always felt so dowdy compared to them -- I could totally relate!  Same sturdy black shoes, day after day... It was a perfect example of how she always liked to look nice.  I had so much help from so many very willing people, it was just hard being the one in charge -- I don't like that!!!  Which I'm sure would make my siblings, husband, and children laugh since I tend to be rather bossy, but that is where I would like my stewardship to end thank you very much.  We made it through the funeral which was particularly lovely, and even managed to sing blotchy faced, and serve a luncheon.  My friend Joy posted a lovely tribute to her here.

In other news, I went to the midwife for the first time.  I really like her and am so happy with the choice, even though she is under a doctor I do not like - AT ALL, but I made sure to ask when I made the appointment if I ever had to see the doctor and they said no.  Superb.  They did an ultrasound so that was what I was most anxious about because I am so big.  And I'm not just being sensitive.  Everyone noticed.  Charles had taken to calling me octo-mom and then even nova-mom, even though I repeatedly assured him that more than five has never happened naturally.  She started the scan and I hurriedly asked if there was only one baby in there.  "Yes, I have looked all over and I only see one.  Are you disappointed?"  Big sigh, no, not disappointed at all.  I think that would've pushed me right  over the proverbial edge.  And next (you can see how worried I was about multiples given my priority here) I was so relieved to see that the baby looked healthy and well formed -- two arms and two legs already wriggling away.  It amazes me!!!!  Every time, I cannot believe how they're already completely formed by 12 weeks.  I kept having dreams I was bleeding so this was all a huge relief.  And for poor Matthew it made it all seem like much too much of a reality.  He kept muttering all the rest of the day about how there really is a baby in there.  I know!
Ella is still quite insistent that there is more than one -- that there are five girls performing an aquacade, who will all stay in formation, perfectly synced, until birth and won't we be surprised!  Yes, yes that would be putting it mildly.


Stacey said...

Great post!!! Love the ultrasound picture!! It actually made my eyes get moist!! Glad that Matthew is finally hitting the "acceptance" stage.

corn fed girl said...

Sweet picture! It does have arms! So cute!

Jen said...

I have moved past acceptance to denial again, even though I only have about 8 weeks left. I have been getting the baby's room ready and everything, and it's just so weird to think that we will have another human in our family!

I'm sorry about the surprise element of the funeral. I always wish people would tell early on cancer, because more time means more opportunity to deal with it emotionally. Though at some point we all just have to deal with it, so I guess if they wanted privacy that is to be respected.

HARA said...

I love the little baby Smith with wriggling limbs in utero. And, I felt a sigh of relief reading there is only one inside you, I felt that every time. I know my limits.
Funerals can be so emotional, and very draining. I'm glad you had a positive connection with this woman, her family surely appreciated that as you served them.

Anonymous said...

I keep thinking my recent bloating plus my even more recent week-long tummy ache might be you know what... then dreaming that I had no idea until the day of delivery. At least birth has 9 months of prep time.

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