A Stomach Complaint

I was just switching a load of laundry which consisted mostly of towels. "Oh," thought I, "I should throw in a fabric softening sheet. Or, I shouldn't, because I read that blog that said that dryer sheets are terrible and contain ingredients that become carcinogenic when heated. But, I really don't know what the ingredients are, or what they do, and I really like soft towels..." So transpires the life of a half-wit, torn between two things of which she knows nothing, tid-bits of knowledge ricocheting through the gray matter, authority on nothing, alarmed by plenty.

The phantom illness struck again. It is an odd thing to be sure. Three weeks ago, Lucy felt sick after sacrament meeting. She laid on me during Sunday School and then I took her home early. Later that evening she literally got sick, to put it politely. I waited apprehensively to see if anyone else would catch her germs, but by Wednesday felt like we had dodged that bullet. Sunday again, Ibby played happily all morning, ate breakfast and lunch, then said she felt sick right as we were leaving. Ella was giving a talk in church so I tried to gauge how sick she felt and decided that we would go listen to the talk and then take stock. Didn't make it to church. Dropped off the kids, worried how they would sit alone (Daddy is always on the stand), came home to bathe girl and clean out car. How strange that they both got sick a week apart with eerily similar symptoms... Saturday evening. We have managed to bring home and assemble the heaviest treadmill that was ever created. The box was too heavy for us to lift so we pushed it end over end across the back walkway, down the stairs, and through the basement where we proceeded to assemble it with much too much ado. Matthew says, "I don't feel very well." The beginning of a very sick evening and night for him. Sunday night I feel sick, but since I like to hold on to things, it lasts a couple of days. Well, that was curious that we were sick three weeks in a row. Another Sunday, we all make it to church. Ella isn't hungry for dinner, gets worse as the evening progresses, and then is sick for most of Monday so no end of summer swimming for her. Amazing. Four weeks in a row, the exact same malady, but not really close enough together. So Charles is the last man standing. It must be bizarre to know that you are going to have the stomach flu in a few days and not be able to do anything about it.

I wished that I had been sick a week later because I have paid my money to join the "Biggest Loser" contest that Jenn, my niece-in-law, is doing. I wanted to weigh as much as possible for my first weigh in so, since I didn't eat at all the first couple of days of last week, I had to make up for it later. I know, it is stupid! But that is just the way I am. We went out for lunch and dinner on our anniversary and then all weekend I was trying to come up with the most fattening things I won't be able to eat for the next 12 weeks. I finally weighed in yesterday evening after our ward Labor Day picnic. I think -- I hope! -- I ate enough. I had to send in before photos!!! I always thought "they" made people frown for their before photos because you just look worse when you are not smiling. I realized yesterday that "they" do not have to make you do anything! I was almost crying it was such an awful experience and I almost don't want to win so that no one will ever see those pictures. Except, I do want to win. The pot is at $1500! Plus, I don't feel like myself at this weight. Plus, I don't want to buy any more clothes this size. Plus, I already feel better because I exercised this morning. Plus, I bought a 500,000 pound treadmill. Matthew wants me to win, too. He made me an excel sheet with how much I need to lose each week to be a serious contender (based on the percentage of weight lost by the previous winner, taking into account that this one can only be more competitive). He is sweet and knows how upset I was by the before pictures. He had to take them and I was snapping at him peevishly the whole time.