I have a neighbor who has got it all going on. She has been PTO president, helps with EVERYTHING, thin, always dressed nice, always on time, never a hair out of place, you get the idea. Inevitably, whenever I am in her presence, I do something stupid. This morning I was feeling really good about myself. I got dressed (!) -- and put on some cute new wide leg capris with some cool striped knee socks, was even wearing makeup, made beds, cleaned up breakfast, got the kids out on time, stopped at the store to get treats for Lulu's class (Happy Birthday sweetie!), pulled up to the school, but then there is a bus still there so I have to go around the other side and then SHE drives up and my car is facing the wrong direction, my daughter runs out in front of her car, the baby has snot running down his face, and I look down and my socks are now pooled around my ankles. Suddenly I am all wrong. If the kids have strewn garbage across the lawn, or their knees are bleeding, or I back into one of my bushes, or the baby is being held upside down by the toes, sure enough I can look up to see her little frown smile staring back at me, mentally shaking her head. I am a confident, completely capable adult one minute and then the next -- doh. can. not. func. tion. don't. know. own. name. need. help.
There are other times I feel this way and it is often at church. The women there are not judgmental (usually :), but something happens to my brain when I enter that building. Before Sunday, a friend asked if we could meet after church to plan Activity Days for the next few months. I said sure and then the wind blew and it was gone. After the first hour I ran into her in the bathroom and she asked if I was coming to our meeting. I said sure, then thought how nice it would have been if I had brought lunch -- oh and something for the kids, too -- and the baby will probably be wanting a nap around then, why did I say yes to the meeting? Then the wind blew and it was gone. After church I start rounding up the kids and their coats and then I see her -- Oh! I am staying after. I cannot remember things for five stinking seconds! (Of course, this is the same Sunday I had my shirt on backward so maybe we can chalk it up to being a bad day -- but these are not isolated incidents). And other people are always prepared, have great ideas, are so talented... I am grateful for them. They pick up my slack.
I suppose I need to reconcile myself to the way I am, but where is the line between acceptance and using the negative as an impetus to do and be better? I don't know. It is a constant struggle and in the meantime I need to paste on that smile and wave to Miss Perfect over there -- "So glad you caught that -- have a wonderful day!"