Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Does This Calzone Make Me Look Fat?

Yesterday I decided to have the Weight Watchers brand frozen entree "Calzone Italiano" for lunch. I saw it at the store and thought, "Wow, that looks pretty good for 6 points. I will try it." I opened the box and noticed that it contained two calzones. Oh, good. I looked down at the instructions and here is what I read: "Remove one Calzone (one serving) and one sleeve from plastic wrapper. Return second Calzone to the freezer." (Bolds and italics snidely included).

Here is what I heard: "Listen, we know you have a weight problem or else you wouldn't have bought this delicious looking product. However, you cannot possibly imagine that both pieces of this cheesy goodness would be allowable within your alloted points. We know that you wouldn't have ended up in this situation if you possessed any semblance of self-control and/or the ability to read your body's cues, so here is what you need to do. You need to quickly wrap up the second calzone and pack it tightly back into the box. Now do this at once before you have inhaled it without realizing. Next, you need to run over to the refrigerator (the thing that got you into this mess), open the freezer door, launch the remaining calzone into any available spot (we know there probably isn't much room since you are more than likely hoarding chocolate in there), resecure the door, and back quietly away before you do any more damage."

What a bossy box! I don't know if I have ever before encountered a box with such explicit ideas about what I can and cannot do with my own food. How did it know if I was going to share it with someone (I was) or how did it know I wasn't going to throw caution to the wind and eat an entire 12 points in one sitting?

Later in the evening, Matthew came home and had heard that they were serving free pancakes at IHOP in honor of National Pancake Day. Who knew? So, of course, we all piled in the car and went. Forget that it was already past the girls bedtime, forget that the youngest three were already in pajamas, and forget that the two eldest had homework. It was fun, it was late, we all ate every last bite. We weren't hungry but it was free and it was there. Ah-ha, dear Watson! I believe we have discovered the root of our problem.


Stacey said...


Nauvoo Commuter said...

How much did the calzone cost per point? That's the way I would approach it.

I wish we had an IHOP within 3 hours drive.

amylouwho said...

Once again you made me snort milk out my nose! hilarious!

Anonymous said...

LOVE this too, especially the 2nd paragraph! I FEEL it!

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