Monday, August 1, 2011

still standing

We seem to have arrived at 41 weeks no worse for wear.  This summer we had 7 pregnant ladies in our ward, all due within about 8 weeks, 6 of the babies were boys.  It's been fun to all be expecting together, especially since there was only one baby born all last year.  The first two were June, both scheduled c-sections, babies healthy and getting big already.  The other five of us were due within about two weeks of each other.  I was due last Sunday, but we know what's happening with that.  One came last Monday, three weeks early, one came Tuesday with another scheduled c-section, and one was due tomorrow, but she went into labor on Saturday night and her baby was stillborn.  I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, and I feel helpless.  What can you do for someone in a situation like that?  Especially when you feel like you're the last person they would ever want to see again.  She made it all the way to the end.  Out of all of us, I would venture to say that she had the hardest time getting pregnant, and she had had a miscarriage in the last year.  It is just so sad.  I worry for her.  I'm worried about her going home with empty arms to a house all prepared for a baby -- we had a baby shower for her just two weeks ago.  I'm worried about every time she gets some junk mail that says, "Your baby is ___ months old now."  I'm worried about her ever wanting to come back to church with five baby boys all the exact same age as hers.  I'm worried that she won't ever want to try to have another baby.  I'm worried I could never possibly say the right thing.  I'm worried about my baby.  Her baby was perfect.  Wouldn't it be easier if there had been something really wrong?  When I heard the news, all I wanted to do was rush over and hug her, try to take away some of the hurt, cry with her, but she understandably wants privacy.  We all want to do something, but this one will take someone more powerful than us -- and time.  I hardly know what to think.  My friend wrote a beautiful post here, much better than I can put into words right now.  

It is a tragedy and it makes all of the other nuisances of life pale in comparison.


The Queen Bee said...

Seems we both had the same idea this morning. My words could not even come close to Jen's! Call me if you need to vent/cry/sit and say nothing.

My name is Lexi said...

Thank you. This post was an answer to a prayer

Stacey said...

I have been worried about you and Syndy!! Not worried about your babies...but your emotional well- being. I just know how every emotion is magnified when one is pregnant. I couldn't even ever read "What to Expect" when I was pregnant because I couldn't stand the "what-ifs." I don't know this sister very well but she has been on my mind non-stop since I heard. All we can do is pray for them.

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