Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Parent Trap

I am beginning to perceive that I seem to be in some sort of parenting crisis lately. I just finished reading "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen" and it was a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. I just love recognizing myself as the person in all of the bad examples -- especially when they are things that I was sure was the right thing. Like telling my kids that how they're doing something is wrong and showing them the right way to do it because if I don't do it, who will? Well, it hasn't really been working and lo and behold I am crushing their self-confidence right and left. The world is full of people who will tell them when they're not measuring up and I just need to confirm their rightness. It feels so much better. The other books on my shelf are "Raising Self-Reliant Children" and "Parenting with Love and Logic," and I just ordered "How to Talk so Kids Will Learn." For the most part I feel like we are a happy functioning family, but there are moments when my kids leave me completely baffled. I feel like I am getting a handle on younger kids and think I am a better mommy than I was a few years ago, but my poor oldest kids get a rookie mom every year. I have never had a 5, 10, 12, 14 year old! And on it goes. I just want them to grow up to be happy, healthy, and confident and I am afraid that instead of nurturing I chip away too often. I will try to do better and trust in God for the rest. I also want to really know my kids before they're off and away. My oldest will be gone in less than 4 years and I want her to want to come back! As I was chatting with my friend Julie this past weekend I found two more books that I went ahead and ordered -- "The People Code" and "Delivered from Distraction." They're on their way and I am confident that all of these tools will help me unlock the mysteries of motherhood and we will, of course, then go on to live happily ever after.

Oh, Julie it was funny that we were talking about the color code and then I was reading seriously so blessed (very funny blog, but occasionally a smidge over the line) and she was talking about how she is not a red. I was laughing because that is just what we were talking about - that reds never recognize themselves -- ha, ha, ha. But I am certainly not red.


AFarCryFromNormal said...

I am right here with you. I don't have the names off the top of my head but I have SEVERAL really good books. A really good one that doesn't really show you the way to parent but help me realize how blessed I am was " Everyday Blessings" If you come to WLW you can look at my parenting book stash. Maybe we could swap books. This post was just up my alley. Not that you others aren't. I LOVE reading your blog. I feel closer to you and understand you better through it! This just goes to show that even though we are in different life stages we really think alike in many ways.

Still............don't be so hard on yourself!!! I can say that you are a wonderful parent just for the mere fact that you are looking for ways to improve yourself and your relationships out of deep love! You are awesome!!

Amylouwho said...

Oh please pass on your wisdom to me. I feel for my oldest - she's only 3 and I haven't a clue what I'm doing.

Stacey said...

I need those books! We did a parenting bookclub when I was in England and it was great. You should start one!

The Queen Bee said...

Well I'm the voice of opposition in this post. I think you all worry too much. We are all great women who have the help of our Heavenly Father to guide us in all we do with our children! I know our kids will be fine. Hey and if they are a little screwed up that's the price you pay to be someones child.

AFarCryFromNormal said...

Syndy cracks me up. I see that. But hey you run a book club right?! I would love to add some parenting ones in there too! Hey maybe I should start that group. But who would come?!

My name is Lexi said...

i so enjoyed talking motherhood with you. i am making all th same mistakes as you...probably more so. and i would love to read the books you have been reading...after i work my way through the dozen or so i am working on now. seriously.

i feel very badly for my oldest two also, because i am getting a little better. but at least they go more of my time and energy...i guess that is the trade-off.

ok, i am so not a red :) !!!!!
and either are you!
seriously, i don't think that either of us are, but i know that i do have a lot of red in me.

this is julie, although it will say it is lexi - blogger isn't letting me post on any blogger blogs.

Brian Smith said...

Good job Mary keep up the good fight sorry we didn't know more when we raised Matthew-Ha! Brian

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