On the trip I noticed that I have fallen victim to some evolutionary quirk that makes nursing mothers squeamish. I think that it is so that you won't take unnecessary risks while you are primarily responsible for someone's life. I don't know, it is just a theory, but I am scared of everything! I am scared of heights on our hikes, and roller coasters at the amusement park, and water slides at the swimming pool, and waves at the beach, and steep mountain roads. Normally I am game for anything, so I am hoping that this will pass. My 75 year old mother had to go down the water slide first and tell me how fun it was -- I had even walked all the way backward through the line once I saw how high we were at the top -- lame!!! But then I did go down and it was fun once my heart stopped trying to beat right out of my chest. At the beach the kids were urging me to go out deeper, but I just couldn't for a while. Every thing my toes touched, every drop in the sand, made my stomach lurch. Each coming wave nearly sent me over the edge, but when I safely came down the other side enough times I finally got in the rhythm and had a great time. And then of course I start fantasizing about just tossing my life plans to the wind and becoming a surfer. I just love the sounds out there -- the rush of water as a wave approaches and then the hush as it passes. And it is beautiful with water all around -- enough frothy white bubbles to literally hold you aloft and push you to the shore, the closest I have ever felt to flying, and in the next moment so still and clear that you can see the ocean floor several feet down. Mmmm. Well, back in Illinois now.
School started yesterday. Summer was much, much too short. First grade girl wasn't too excited to go back to school and kept having to bite her lip to keep from crying as I dropped her off. I told her I would wait until the teacher took them to their classes, but I couldn't look at her. Every glance nearly did me in. Everyone seems happy with their teachers. Just me and the babe at home again. This seems even more problematic than last year when he was just five months old and sleeping a lot. Now he is big and is used to having everyone play with him all day (I'm used to them playing with him all day) so I am going to have to get creative. I just read him a book and he insisted on putting his foot on every image. Yep.